Erotic or sexual massage is a type of massage that focuses on the body’s erogenous zones, in order to provide sexual stimulation as well as relaxation — what more could you want, really? There are a number of different types of sexual massage, including tantric massage and body-to-body massage, each designed to deliver a different type of pleasure. Some erotic or sexual massage can result in orgasm, while others can be used as a prelude to other sexy interactions.
Sexual massage, like all sexual activity, can provide health benefits, ranging from stress relief and a boost in mood to lower blood pressure and a reduction in pain. In addition, because erotic massage is a deeply intimate, exploratory act that often places focus on breathwork and a body-mind connection, it can be helpful to those with sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia.
But just as an erotic massage can offer incredible, sensual pleasure, it can also be a bit of an intimidating prospect! Just as you may be worried about incorrectly massaging your partner’s sore shoulders or aching lower back, you may have some concerns about “properly” giving a sexual massage. Fear not — here, we’ll provide some helpful tips for providing a thoroughly satisfying erotic massage to your partner.
(Note: The best, safest way to give and receive a massage is on a proper, adjustable massage table. You can get a good portable/foldable massage table on Amazon.ca for less than $200.)
Set the mood
If you’ve ever had a traditional massage, you know that the atmosphere matters just as much as the massage itself. The easiest way to do this is to focus on adding elements to your space that enhance the five senses.
SIGHT: Start with looking at the room or space where you’re planning to give the massage, and think about how you can adjust the environment to make it as relaxing — and sexy — as possible. The first, easiest, most impactful way to do this is by dimming the lights! Enhance the ambiance with some candles, and if you have a fireplace, light it! (Be sure to place candles where they aren’t going to cause a fire risk.) If there’s any visual distraction in the room that can be eliminated — eliminate it! Tidy the space of any clutter or mess. Clear space, clear mind.
Next, focus on yourself. If you think it will help set the mood, select an outfit that will make you feel as sexy as possible, whether that means a matching bra and panty set, an alluring teddy, or a sexy pair of briefs. If you feel at your absolute sexiest in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, opt for that! Or, if you feel being fully nude is your sexiest state, go for it. Remember: there’s nothing sexier than self-confidence, so when you’re selecting your massage-giving look, the best outfit is an outfit that makes you feel good. Don’t wear anything that will inhibit your movement, though — you want to be able to get a full range of motion in order to deliver the most effective erotic massage possible.
SOUND: It’s no secret that the right music can make or break a sexy encounter of any kind. For an erotic massage, this is all the more true — because you want your massage recipient to feel completely relaxed and at-ease, choosing music that’s more downbeat and slow-tempo is likely preferable to something more energetic. But, as always, the most important thing is choosing whatever makes you and your partner feels sexy! Pick a genre or type of music that you know you both enjoy, and tailor a playlist with a sensual, mindful encounter in mind.
Aside from music, when giving a massage, don’t be hesitant to talk to your partner — ask them if what you’re doing feels good, let them know what you’d like to do next, and narrate the movement and placement of your hands when it feels appropriate. This is a great chance to practise a little dirty talk: let your partner know how it feels when running your hands along certain parts of their body can add to the overall sensual — and sexy — impact of the erotic massage.
SMELL: Aromatherapy is a powerful tool for any massage therapist — and should be used as part of your erotic massage arsenal, too. Burning incense or adding an earthy essential oil to your diffuser, if you have one, can help set the mood, as can burning a scented candle or choosing a massage oil with an aroma you and your partner both enjoy. Skew towards more natural scents, like florals or aromas like vanilla, chocolate, or firewood, over more synthetic scents. And if you have a certain perfume or fragrance that you and your partner love, dab a bit on! Just remember to be mindful of wearing too much perfume, or mixing too many scents, which can become overwhelming and distracting.
TASTE: Taste is not a sense that might ordinarily play into a massage experience. But with sensual massage, there are a few ways to incorporate flavour. You could start or end the massage with a special sip, such as a glass of champagne or a favourite wine, or incorporate a snack or sweet treat before or after the massage experience. There are also a variety of flavoured massage oils or lubes that can be used during the massage — after all, if your partner is comfortable with it, you can massage them with more than just your hands. Gently licking or nibbling flavoured oil or lube off their body can heighten the erotic experience for both of you. (Note: most traditional massage oils are not food-safe, so if you plan to incorporate your lips or tongue into your massage in this way, be sure to check your oil’s label to ensure you won’t get sick.)
TOUCH: Warming your hands, using a heating (or cooling) massage oil or massage candle, and incorporating some more traditional massage tools, such as heated stones, are some simple ways to make your massage as pleasant as possible.
With sexual massage, knowing how your partner would like to be touched — and any ways in which they would prefer not to be — is key. Ask if they would prefer firm or light touch, and determine if there are any places on their body where they are not comfortable being massaged, or some where they would like to be touched a lot. Some sexual massages provide full-body contact, while others are meant to stimulate the body’s erogenous zones, but do not necessarily bring the recipient to orgasm. Discuss with your partner ahead of time what type of massage you would like to share, whether they would prefer to be gently teased or firmly touched, and if they are hoping for a “happy ending”, so to speak. And once you are sure of what type of touch your partner is expecting (and what type of touch you are comfortable giving), stick to that script, unless you are enthusiastically and clearly told otherwise during the massage.
Hit the right spot
Once you’ve discussed with your partner the type of touch they would like to feel during their erotic massage, there are some techniques you can employ to have them feeling absolutely incredible. The legs and feet are a great place to start your sexual massage. There, long, firm, smooth motions up and down the muscles of the calves and thighs may feel best, and are especially relaxing. Foot massages are also incredibly relaxing, and many people are also incredibly turned on by having their feet and toes touched, tickled, licked, and sucked on — so here may be a great place to experiment with that flavoured massage oil!
Use a similar massaging method on the arms and hands. Long, slow motions on the muscles of the arms, and circular, rhythmic movements on the hands relieve tension (and, again, sucking on your partner’s fingers — just like their toes — may kick up the sexiness a notch). Massaging your partner’s buttocks may have a twofold impact: massaging the gluteal muscles can help relieve lower back pain, while rubbing, teasing, and caressing your partner’s bum is a great way to begin building up the erotic nature of your massage.
Gentle pressure and slow, steady massaging of the neck helps to melt away tension. While you’re in this area, spend a little time lightly massaging the ears, and using subtle circular motions on the temples, which is known to be a very relaxing sensation.
The back is Ground Zero for massages, as it’s where most of us carry the bulk of our built-up tension and stress. Apply the pressure level you’ve discussed with your partner ahead of time, whether that’s very gentle or deep and firm, and try to keep your hands in constant motion. Long, unbroken motions along the spinal column and ribcage, following the direction of the bones in both cases, will feel amazing, as will gently squeezing and using circular, rhythmic motions to their shoulders and shoulder blades.
Turning your partner over on their back, you may wish to massage their scalp, and stroke their hair and the side of their face and neck — the same sorts of affectionate, gentle caresses you might employ while making out! The muscles in the chest often carry lots of tension, so use circular motions here before teasing and touching your partner’s nipples, if that’s something they’ve said they will enjoy. It’s not likely that firm pressure on the stomach will be appreciated, and this can also cause discomfort or harm to the organs. Gently run your hands and fingertips along your partner’s abdomen, and use similar techniques on the front of their legs as you did on the backs.
If your sexual massage involves genital stimulation, be sure to use a good amount of lube, and be attentive to (and communicative with) your partner as you stroke their labia or penis, or during any penetration with your fingers. If your massage will conclude with a “happy ending”... well, keep going til you get there, adjusting your speed, level of friction and pressure, and rhythm with your partner’s pleasure in mind.
If you want more tips, YouTube is your friend when you’re learning to give a great erotic massage.
Add some props
You and your partner may have decided that toys, such as ticklers, vibrators, a stroker, or even a blindfold may be desired during an erotic massage. If so — go for it! (If not: may we suggest considering it?)
Return the favour
Massage is a wonderful way for couples to connect and cultivate a new type of intimacy, and it’s also a fantastic form of foreplay before jumping into the sack for more one-on-one play. Whether you were on the giving or receiving end of your first sensual massage, be sure to schedule time to switch roles, following all of the above steps to ensure you’re giving (or being given) a truly incredible erotic experience.
Now that you’ve got the know-how, pick up some fun new massage oil and start to craft your perfect massage environment. Give your partner a sensual massage that is unlike anything they’ve experienced before!
