Everyone masturbates differently. Some women/vulva-havers can think themselves into orgasm (the brain is a huge source of turn-on), some use their fingers on their clit, some use vibrators, and some can magically rub their legs together to cum. Who hasn’t humped a couch to get there, amirite? There are many ways to do it, some discreet and some overt, and there’s definitely a way for you :)
Whether you’re the owner of a vulva, you’re sporting a penis and are using a male masturbator, or you proudly associate with any of the beautiful body and identity permutations in between and beyond, the ways in which you masturbate and the reasons why are as varied and diverse as humanity, in general. However, pure pleasure, relaxation, stress relief and/or orgasms do tend to be some of the top masturbation goal(s)! Female masturbation is also a great source of power for many.
It's great for your health
The first thing to know about masturbation is that besides being just fun, it can help regulate your body. Female masturbation (and masturbation regardless of gender and/or individual body parts) and any resulting orgasms can help reduce sexual tension and stress, can help you sleep better, and can get you in better touch with your body. Masturbation and orgasms can also help relieve pain like headaches, menstrual cramps, and muscle tension and strengthen and tone your pelvic floor muscles.
How exactly does that pain-relief thing happen? Well, when you masturbate, your levels of stress hormones like cortisol decrease, and if/when you orgasm, your body releases endorphins that can block or dampen the pain receptors in your brain. In other words, having an orgasm (or three) can help with period cramps and assist in helping you feel happier and healthier overall.
It’s also critical to note that if you’ve never had an orgasm, that’s OK. It’s not too late for you, and you’re definitely not broken (a common fear for many women/vulva-owners). In fact, according to MedlinePlus, “[a]bout 10% to 15% of women have never had an orgasm.” That means that over one in ten women have yet to reach orgasm in their lifetimes! The report goes on to say: “Surveys suggest that up to one-half of women are not satisfied with how often they reach orgasm.”
Speaking of which, there are plenty of rumours floating around about masturbation in general. Some folks wonder does masturbation cause hair loss? Or does masturbation cause acne? Others might question: does masturbation make you tired? or even “is masturbation harmful?” Read our linked blogs to answer those questions and put some masturbation rumours to rest.
Masturbation can also help build your self-esteem and self-image because you’re beautiful! And touching yourself can help remind you of your own agency when it comes to your body and how lovely you truly are. Masturbation is another way to express love and appreciation for yourself; it’s a worthwhile practice that you deserve.
Masturbation also shows you what your pleasure script is. Since you’re the boss of this show, you get to do whatever you want to your own vulva and vagina and all the neighboring regions. You get to control how you’re touched, what level of pressure is used, the pacing and tempo, how you orient your body, and how many minutes or hours you spend in this bliss zone.
In addition to the fact that understanding your own body can and will also help you achieve orgasms in the future, it can also help with partnered sex by giving you a way to point your bed buddy in the right direction.
How to masturbate
As stated, there’s no right or wrong way to do it. You’re just as likely to reach orgasm with sex toys as you are with your fingers or hands. And you also don’t have to do it with the goal of orgasm in mind. Sometimes it’s just comforting to touch yourself down there, or perhaps on some nights, you can sense that you’re just not going to “get there” that time. That’s fine; any kind of masturbation (with or without orgasm) is good for your sexual health.
What are the different types of masturbation?
As a precursor to masturbation techniques, it’s important to note that arousal and sexual pleasure start in the mind first. It’s a lot easier to achieve a relaxed, comfortable, cozy climax if your space is set up similarly. Take a bath, light some candles, set a mood for yourself, and everything that follows will be much easier.
Here are a few of the different kinds of masturbation for women and vulva-owners:
1. Clitoral
The vast majority of women/vagina owners can’t achieve climax from vaginal stimulation alone. In fact, studies show that 70-85% of women don’t experience vaginal orgasms. If you’re in this camp, that’s perfectly fine. The clit is here to steal the show!
When people mention the clitoris, they’re usually only referring to the small area of sensitive skin that’s actually the external portion of what’s known as the clitoral network. The clitoral network extends inside the vagina too, and it can be extremely pleasurable to follow that road.
The external clitoris is located directly under the area where the labia meet and create a hood, so it’s up higher in the vulva region. The clit is extraordinarily sensitive, containing 8,000+ nerve endings, so be gentle with it in the beginning. It’s the kind of thing you want to coax into coming out to play, not rush into action. When your body is good and ready and aroused, blood rushes to the clitoral tissue, making it engorged and able to take more stimulation. Vibrators can be a great way of helping you get to clitoral orgasm.
2. Vaginal
A lot of women/vulva-owners stick with clitoral stimulation alone when it comes to masturbation. They either use their fingers or toys to play with the clit, and frequently experience clitoral orgasms without even taking off their underwear.
But there’s a whole other world to explore on the inside of the vagina. Because of the ergonomics of the whole situation, it’s usually easier to engage in penetration when you’re flying solo with a dildo or rabbit or another kind of sex toy. And oh, the delicious sensations available when you are in total control of penetration. You can go as slowly as you want and do whatever kind of strokes you want to do.
You can also get toys that can mimic a certain kind of sex act if you like that. For example, if you love to ride a cock, you can get dildos with suction that you can affix to either a smooth wall (like in a shower or bathtub) or to a mirror that you can then straddle. The sky’s the limit!
Vaginal masturbation is also the kind that gets to your G-spot.
3. Anal
While there’s often a focus on men/penis-owners when it comes to anal play, the truth is anal stimulation can be very pleasurable for both penis and vulva-owners. Anal stimulation consists of either external touch around the anus or penetration with fingers or other anal toys.
In fact, anal stimulation can be extremely pleasurable for those who have a clitoral network because it turns out that the G-spot can be reached through the wall of the rectum. Yep, the rectum and vagina share a wall, so when you touch certain parts of one side, you can feel it on the other!
The biggest thing to remember when it comes to anal play (whether solo or partnered) is that the anus doesn’t lubricate itself, so you’ll want to use plenty of lube.
4. A combo
Why stop at just one type of stimulation? There are lots of combinations to explore; you can stimulate your clitoris, vagina, and anus all at the same time for a super sensation-overload. Toys like rabbits are specifically designed to help out with this.
How to get started
If you’ve never masturbated before, have no fear! As one of my friends once put it, “Oh, honey, you just stick your hand down there and start rubbing.”
The fact is, masturbation doesn’t have to lead to orgasm, and you’re not “doing it wrong” if you don’t get there right away. A great place to start is by first making sure your body is actually comfortable in the space you’re in. Lock the door, so you’re sure you won’t be interrupted if you live in a shared house. Maybe turn the lights down. Make sure you’re warm enough. Sometimes it’s fun to have some sexy music going.
Then let your mind wander to sexy subjects. You can think about that person that you found super attractive on the subway that day, or your college crush, or a scene from a movie that really got you going. Let your fantasies run wild, and allow yourself to consider situations you might not act on in real life. This is your mind, and you get to think about whatever you want! It doesn’t need to be “real.”
You can also consider using fun erotica apps like Dipsea, which are audio-based, so they leave your hands and eyes free to do whatever you want with them. You can also read erotic fiction or even watch a sexy porn video if you find you enjoy that.
Next up: erogenous zones and lube
Now it’s time to start touching yourself. Remember that there are way more hot buttons on your body than just the clitoris. Maybe your neck is sensitive, or maybe you like light touches just above your hip bones. Stimulate these regions, too, and see what you like.
A great next step is to bust out the lube! Lubricant is one of the best ways to warm up the vulva/vagina region, plus it’s also fun to use on other body parts like nipples. Remember that you can take your time and don’t need to rush anything. The point is to just enjoy what’s going on, and if that’s long, grounding strokes on the outside of your labia, then that’s what feels good. It doesn’t have to go a certain way. You can also use things like pillows to get friction in the right place or get things going in the shower or bathtub (yum!).
Finally, if you want to bring a sex toy into the equation, get that bad boy into the action.
Sex toys
Whatever is your favorite type of orgasm to have, there’s a sex toy to help get you there. A vibrator is a tried-and-true staple of many vagina-owners’ masturbation technique arsenal. A quick note on vibrators: the lower the frequency of the vibration, the deeper those vibrations will penetrate the body. If you’re looking for a more surface-level sensation, a buzzy vibrator will be appropriate, and if you’re looking to have your insides shooketh, choose a rumbly one. Here’s a quick recap of sex toys for women that are great for female masturbation:
Strong, powerful little vibrators that pack a punch! Sometimes they’ll fit right into a larger dildo to make a dildo-vibe. Very easy to keep in your purse for use anywhere.
A sex toy that’s got a rounded, vibrating ball with a handle attached so you can put it just where you want it. Sometimes ironically called “back massagers,” these toys can get your G-spot and oh-so-many other ones, as well. And yes, they can be therapeutic in a similar way to a back massager, but that’s probably not what you’re going to use them for.
Spheres or rounded balls to be inserted into the anus and rest there, with whatever flared base is provided on the outside (you really want one with a flared base!). These anal toys can help you feel “fuller” and stimulate the clitoral network from below.
Multi-use vibrators that usually have 2+ heads. The rabbit gets its name from the two prongs on the end of the clitoral head that resemble rabbit ears. Many rabbits also have a G-spot stimulating head and sometimes an anal-stimulating head if that’s what you’re into.
Maybe not the most direct item for solo play if you’re a vulva-owner, but hey, you could put a cock ring on Danny the Dildo if you’re having a frisky night!
Small weighted balls designed to go inside your vagina can be used to help strengthen your pelvic floor by flexing your kegel muscles … and can also be used to make your toes curl.
Try alllll the different types of masturbation
Female and male masturbation alike - the best tip? Try everything! It’s really important to know how to pleasure yourself. Try it all the different ways, and there are just so damn many. In particular, it’s great to know your own pleasure script so that if you are planning on having a special plus-one in your sex life, you’re able to both advocate for your sexual health and make sure that while having sex, you’re in your own pleasure too. (It’s much harder to do that if you don’t have experience pleasuring yourself.)
Now get out there and start giving yourself that good, good lovin’. Shop the best sex toys in Canada, exclusively from PinkCherry.
