How You can have a Better Sex Life

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Why do some people get caught up in ‘the grass is always greener’ trap? Have you noticed that some people can never be happy with what they have and are always looking for better sex, a better relationship, or a better orgasm? Does this describe you?


According to the 2018 World Happiness Report, it’s perfectly natural for people to feel that wanting more will make their lives better. 


So, if you feel your sex life isn’t living up to your expectations, let me share a few suggestions with you that may be able to make it better.


The Key to Making Your Sex Life Better

Start with determining what you like, and don’t like, in the bedroom. When you know what you like, you may be more comfortable asking for it—or showing your lover what feels good. 


Take time to enjoy yourself with sex toys and exploring your body. Know what turns you on. Know what your personal process of arousal is. Take note of how different sensations cause unique responses on your skin. 


Knowing how to please yourself is the first step to better sex. This insight can make it easier to explain to your lover what you want in bed. It’s important to communicate your likes and dislikes. 


Practice Trust

Sometimes, the only way you can elevate a sex life is to be able to trust your partner so you can reach your next level of personal pleasure. There’s a difference between a carefree romp and a connected session of lovemaking. A one-night stand may be hot, but it’s often similar to a meteor and that intensity has a tendency to burn itself out. 


Trusting your partner can lead to a more intimate sexual experience and will give you the confidence to try new activities. When you trust your lover, you can feel free to experiment. Experimentation can help make sex better by giving you more opportunities for pleasure. 


Try Sex Toys 

Women are not always guaranteed an orgasm without additional clitoral stimulation. Men can sometimes benefit from cock rings. 


Sex toys can help provide sensations and stimulation that can create incredible pleasure. Many people are hesitant to try sex toys for a variety of reasons. However, they can elevate sex in ways that few other things can. 


Using a prostate massager or wearing an anal plug during sex has been known to intensify climaxes. Vibrating cock rings provide titillating stimulation for both partners. And wearable partner-play vibrators can make sex a treat. 


I suggest you begin by incorporating sex toys into foreplay. Be bold with your experimentation. Intimate toys have helped make many sex lives better. 


Be Confident

How you view yourself has a lot to do with how others see you. When you are uncertain of your appeal or worthiness, it can affect your relationships. This is why it’s important to feel good in your own body. 


Know that confidence is an acquired skill. Try to get rid of the insecurities that you may be feeling. Commit to feeling more confident in your own skin. Remember that it’s important to love yourself first. 


Look back on past relationships and think about what felt best for you and what was most memorable. Use this information to help boost your personal confidence level. Be proactive in being your own #1 fan. 


Focus on Pleasure

I’ve done this and from others I’ve spoken with, I know I’m not alone. During sex I’ve found myself focusing on sucking in my tummy, so it’ll appear flatter, rather than accepting myself and enjoying my own pleasure. 


Many of us tend to focus on the performance instead of the pleasure. When you can allow yourself to relax, focus on how good sex feels and how much enjoyment you’re experiencing, you may find sensations are heightened. 


Try slowing sex down. Focus on every thrust, every kiss, every touch. Being able to enjoy the sensuality of the experience may help make sex better for you. 


Lighten Up

How many times have you laughed, giggled, or chuckled during sex and then immediately apologized for it? 


According to research by the Association for Psychological Science, in certain situations, laughter can mask nervousness and can be an unconscious behavior. Their study showed that nervous laughter is a sign of healing and can signify that everything is going to be okay. 


Research on humor receptivity and partner desirability show that humor, and laughter, is attractive to men and women. 


It’s perfectly all right to laugh during sex. Laughter is an audible sign of happiness. As long as you’re not laughing at your sex partner (that will not make for better sex), you should allow yourself to enjoy sex play by sharing your happy emotions.


Sometimes people take sex too seriously. I believe this may be because often sex that appears in films is dark, deep, serious, and not a laughing matter. Bringing some fun and laughter into your sexual adventures just may make your sex live better. 


Here is a quick checklist of things you can try to make your sex life better:

  • Trusting your partner
  • Enjoying sex toys
  • Being confident and loving yourself
  • Focusing on your pleasure during sex
  • Bringing a little laughter to your sex life

One last suggestion I would like to share with you—communication! Communication is not only important in your relationships, but its also to have open communication with yourself.


Listen to your intuition and what it’s telling you about your own sexual desires. Research by the University of Toronto demonstrated that talking to yourself, and more importantly listening to yourself, is one of the most effective strategies for increasing personal happiness.


So, consider scheduling time to sit down and have a talk with yourself about making your own sex life better.


Are you happy with your sex life? Are you going to try a couple of these suggestions to make your sex life better? I would love to hear from you! Please send me your questions and comments. I’m always here to help you!


Dr. Sunny does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.


2 comments

  • Hi @Cody,

    Congratulations on your new relationship.

    It sounds like you may be experiencing intermittent erectile dysfunction. Occasional ED, according to Healthline, is common and many men experience it due to stress, exhaustion, medical issues and medications, while the Mayo Clinic reports that erectile dysfunction is common with men who have diabetes. It’s recommended to speak to your own physician about possible causes and treatment options first.

    One of the treatment options mentioned by the Mayo Clinic is a vacuum-constriction device, or penis pump.

    Many people use vacuum penis pumps due to erectile dysfunction. ED can affect people of all ages but tends to affect men as they get older. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, ED affects 12 percent of men under 60, 22 percent of men in their 60s, and 30 percent of men 70 and older.

    Here is a beginner pump on PinkCherry that you can check out for yourself – https://www.pinkcherry.ca/products/beginner-s-power-pump-in-smoke

    Pumps work by using suction to draw blood flow into the penis. Once engorged, an erection ring, or cock ring, may be placed around the base of the penis to help keep blood in the shaft.

    A stretchy round version is recommended for beginners. Here is a stretchy version for you to consider – https://www.pinkcherry.ca/collections/cock-rings/products/pinkcherry-rockstar-cock-ring-in-clear

    Once an erection is attained, the erection ring is placed around the base of the penis. To avoid friction, Medical News Today recommends adding lubricant to the cock ring. Cock rings should not be worn for longer than 20 minutes at a time.

    I wrote an article here on PinkCherry’s U.S. sister site that may provide you with more information on cock rings – https://www.pinkcherry.com/blogs/ask-dr-sunny/medical-benefits-of-cock-rings

    With all of these sex toys, it’s important for you to start slowly @Cody, and pay attention to your body and what works for you. Listen to your body and its responses.

    As far as loss of libido concerns, each cause of low sexual desire has its own treatment, so it’s best to discuss options with your doctor to find out the root cause.

    Best,
    Dr. Sunny

    Dr. Sunny
  • Hello, I’m just wondering, I have not dated in a long time until about a month ago. Now my issue is that my drive is not there anymore like it used to be. What would cause this issue? I really like her and she really likes me but I cannot stay hard or alot of times even get hard. Help?

    Cody

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Dr. Sunny does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.

Dr. Sunny Rodgers is a clinician, author, and speaker who has worked in the wellness industry since 2000. She holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, a Master of Arts in Clinical Sexology, and is an accredited Sexual Health Educator. She is the Founder of The Institute of Intimate Health, an Ambassador for the American Sexual Health Association, regular lecturer for the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Sexual Confidence Coach for the Marigold App, and a professional Sex Toy Concierge™. Rodgers hosted a popular weekly show on Playboy Radio, has been an expert guest on several TV and radio programs, and is a regular contributor to HuffPost, Men's Health, Cosmo, Bustle, and many more publications.