Breaking Down Misconceptions About BDSM – 5 Common Bondage Myths

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You’re definitely not alone if your brain conjures up images of leather straps, whips, and handcuffs when you hear the term ‘bondage’. However, like anything else related to sex and fantasies, there’s a lot more to it than that. Today we’re breaking the chains of misunderstanding and whipping out some truth bombs about BDSM.

 

Have you noticed that the last few years have brought a lot of attention in the mainstream public to BDSM (BDSM - Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism)? We have! Recently, Movies, TV, and other media have provided peeks in to various aspects of BDSM more frequently than ever before. In some ways, this increased attention has been a positive thing, as it’s helped to dispel some stigma. Unfortunately, all that bondage attention has also perpetuated many of the common myths that people have about BDSM. Boo!

 

If you focus on the textbook definitions of the terms that make up the acronym ‘BDSM’, then you’ll see why it’s so commonly misunderstood. However, each of the different elements of BDSM, being Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism, are used in this context simply as roles to be played in order to act out different fantasies. You’re just playing a part in order to fulfil your desires, and the desires of your partner, whether it be softly but firmly restraining them or getting a good, hard spanking!

 

In addition, there are many times when the term ‘bondage’ is used interchangeably with the acronym ‘BDSM’, even though bondage would technically be described as one type or group of activities underneath the wider BDSM erotic umbrella. You’ll sometimes find that in product descriptions (or even in articles like this), that bondage is used as a generalized descriptor for BDSM, rather than a specific kind of activity. This is usually done simply for ease of understanding since the term bondage is generally more commonly known than BDSM.

 

This difference between the official definitions of the words and the sexy activities that they are used to describe is often the main source of confusion for many people. This is why it’s so important to get down to the truth about what BDSM is, since these misunderstandings can easily be avoided by simply becoming more informed about the subject.

 

So, let’s cast off the shackles of uncertainty, and buckle down to learn the real story of bondage sex together! We promise to be gentle.

 

Myth #1 – “That one movie/book was absolutely accurate to what really goes on with BDSM.”

 

Fact: Ok, let’s address the big, sexy elephant in the room and talk briefly about 50 Shades of Grey, because we know you’re thinking about it. First, let’s call a spade a spade and clearly state that the book and film are fictional fantasies, not exhaustively-researched documentaries. The author took certain liberties with her creative freedom, which is fine, but it’s important to not use a work of fiction as your BDSM  bible. It’s a great piece of entertainment, we absolutely agree with that, but take what you see with a grain of salt and use it for inspiration, not as a literal how-to guide.

 

With that said, one of the most important things about BDSM is that it really hinges on mutual trust, mutual desire, and mutual understanding. Both partners should not be feeling pressured into doing it, and they should have their wants and desires respected at all times. This is the biggest difference with healthy bondage activities. Both partners are 100% on the same page about what they want, and how they’re going to get it.

 

Myth #2 – “One person is totally dominant, and the other is totally submissive.”

 

Fact: While it’s true that bondage can commonly include one person being restrained in some way, or with one partner acting subservient to the other, it doesn’t mean that the other person is always in charge and making all the decisions. In actuality, it can just as easily be the reverse, with the person who is acting submissive actually dictating what happens and when. For most people who engage in bondage, it’s more like an immersive and sexually-intense role-playing game.

 

This ties back to our earlier point about both partners being on the same page, and deciding what each person wants from the experience. The dominant role can be played by either partner, regardless of whether they are a man or woman, and roles can change any time you want them to. One important thing to keep in mind is that the person playing the submissive role always – and we mean ALWAYS – has the final say in what goes on. If they say “stop”, or whatever safe word has been chosen, then whatever is happening definitely stops.

 

Myth #3 – “You have to wear strange leather outfits & use weird tools.”

 

Fact: We’ve all heard the expression ‘dress for the job you want’, right? But when it comes to bondage, there is no specific uniform that you’ll need to wear to get to work. Although leather corsets, exotic masks, and other bondage apparel definitely set a certain kind of mood that many people want to go along with their bondage play, these items are not necessities. What you wear for your bondage play is entirely up to you, and the same goes for the tools and accessories that go along with it. They can absolutely be a lot of fun, but there’s no defined rules about essential gear.

 

Of course, if you want a playful spank or teasing tickle, it helps to have a sexy whip or crop, or perhaps a feather tickler close at hand. Using a necktie as a tie-down will work in a pinch, but sometimes you want something that’s a bit more secure. In that case, investing in a set of wrist & ankle cuffs makes sense, since they’ll do the job better and will have some extra sexy style to improve appearances. Sexy bondage wear for men and women, along with some kinky accessories are a great way to add some extra flair and flavour to your BDSM experience, so while they aren’t technically needed, they definitely take things to the next level.

 

Myth #4 – “BDSM is just about getting off from being hurt & feeling pain.”

 

Fact: This is a big one, since many people who are unfamiliar with bondage tend to focus on the stereotypes associated with it, and how many are often related to pain or perceived discomfort. However, the reality for most bondage players is that it’s way more about creating a sense of vulnerability than it is actually getting hurt. As we explained earlier, BDSM technically covers a really wide range of activities, including very gentle tickling. For many, the thrill comes from simply giving in and handing over control, not feeling pain.

 

On the flipside, there are some who get really fired up from aggressive and forceful actions. But again, it’s important to realize that even this is not all about hurting the other person. It’s about a show of power and strength, and the appeal of this should be pretty obvious. Some people want to be swept up and taken by a strong and powerful partner, while others like to be the one doing the sweeping and taking.

 

Myth #5 – “Being interested in bondage is not very common. Not that many people are in to it.”

 

Fact: Well, the thing about saying that bondage is only for ‘certain people’, is that it totally discounts how broad the definition of BDSM really is. There are so many different levels to what can be categorized as bondage, that almost all of us have already done or have wanted to do some type of bondage play in our sex lives.

 

If you’ve ever wanted your partner to really, REALLY hold you down while they make love to you, or completely surrender yourself to their whims and desires, whatever they might be, then you’re already in the realm of the basics of what can be called bondage or BDSM play. As you can imagine, this covers a whole lot of fantasies that are common for almost all of us.


The bottom line is that there is a huge range of stuff that falls in to the description of bondage & BDSM, from tickling your partner’s feet, to being playfully restrained in a sex-swing. It’s not one style of sex, or one kind of image that makes bondage what it is. It’s the desire, the mutual understanding, and the roles each partner plays that define what bondage is.

 

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Kick-Start Your Bondage Play with Fun Toys & Apparel

 

So, you’ve seen 5 common bondage myths be sufficiently busted, and now you want more, huh? We expected as much! Well, we won’t tease you with anticipation anymore, because we’ve got a bunch of super-sexy bondage & BDSM products you can use to get started exploring the sensuality of bondage play. Check these out!

 

First, why not start things off by dressing the part with an unbelievably hot & sexy corset? This Black Strapless Boned Corset from Coquette is definitely the picture-perfect outfit for a sexy night of naughtiness.

 

Moving on, we’ve got a beautiful set of cuffs that are perfect for when you’re feeling particularly bad. These Black Furry Hand Cuffs are solid, secure, and still very comfortable thanks to the soft & fuzzy material. Don’t worry, there’s a special safety release on them too, just in case.

 

Next up, we’ve got a super-sexy paddle that will definitely let your partner know that you mean it when you spank them! The XOXO Paddle will definitely send the right message, if you know what we mean!

 

Now let’s swing in to our next sexy product, literally! The Fetish Fantasy Deluxe Door Swing is super easy to set up and makes for some unbelievably hot action. You can configure and adjust this swing for multiple different positions, so let your creativity take control!

 

As we come close to the end of the list, it’s time to spend some time on the nipples with these easy-to-use First Time Fetish Nipple Teaser clamps. Perfectly suited for beginners, these nipple clamps are adjustable, with a secure and firm grip that won’t let go unless you want it to.

 

Finally, we come to a great set of bed restraints that are guaranteed to keep your willing partner securely in place for a super-sexy experience. The PinkCherry Under The Bed Restraints are easy to use, comfortable, and very adjustable to fit any size bed.

 

Now, We Submit To You

 

Ok, so now that we’ve busted those myths and shown you a whole bunch of super-hot bondage & BDSM toys you can try, we’re ready to hand control back to you! Whether you’ve been talking with your partner about trying something new with bondage, or have just started to explore what BDSM is really all about, we hope that you’ve found this information helpful, inspiring, and EXCITING!

 

Have fun out there and play safe!


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Aged 34, Vanessa Martinez is a world traveller, born in Venezuela and educated in the UK. Vanessa is the full time sex expert for PinkCherry Canada, responsible for testing, researching and writing compelling and fact driven articles for their blog and social channels. Vanessa holds a BA degree, with a major in psychology and a minor in creative writing. She is well equipped to understand and provide advice surrounding sexual wellness.


Read all Vanessa's articles on how to have fun using sex toys either solo or as a couple. You can find Vannessa on Twitter with the handle @vansexual94.

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