If you’re looking for a different kind of experience, nothing could be more different than having physical intimacy with a person outside of your committed relationship. Sounds interesting, right? Before you go out hunting for sex clubs, there are a few things you should know. You may have seen swingers portrayed in TV and movies, but joining this community in real life is not exactly a cakewalk. Still, you can open your relationship up to a lot of fun if everyone is on board to an open relationship.
What is a Swinger?
A swinger is a person who is committed to someone (dating, engaged, or married) while having sexual interactions outside of the relationship. Unlike with cheating, the other partner knows about and accepts these dynamics. Usually, partners will swing together, but there are occasions when only one partner is actively participating in the extra experiences.
Why do People Choose to Become Swingers?
There are many reasons people choose to become swingers. Sometimes, the arrangement is born out of a negative predicament. However, most swingers choose the lifestyle because it fits their personal needs. Some of the reasons people chose to become swingers are:
- A strong desire be intimate with multiple people physically but want to only emotionally be involved with their committed partner
- They may be a bisexual in a heterosexual relationship looking for an encounter with a person of the same sex
- The voyeuristic person may want to watch their partner having sex with someone else
- They may have a rebellious streak where the constraints of society don’t fit their outlook in life
- They’re looking to enhance the trust of their partner (the proof is in the pudding)
- They weren’t meant for a monogamous lifestyle where sex is separate from their emotions
- They are looking for a sense of community within a swingers group
- One partner experiences an uneven sex drive and allows the other to satisfy their needs elsewhere
- Some intend to make their partner jealous to spark a competitive urgency in them
- Others have hit a rut in their sex life but still maintain their love for each other
- Some choose swinging to satisfy sexual needs while staying committed to their marriage or partnership for the sake of their children
- Some think swinging will save their failing relationship if they are heading for divorce
What to Do if You Want to Try Swinging
If you find you fit one of the scenarios above (or another one we haven’t thought of), becoming a swinger could be the right move for you. But not so fast! There are a few things you should know before you jump in the sack with someone else. Follow our steps below to establish a fulfilling swinger lifestyle for you and your partner.
Step 1: Agree
You should never go it alone in an attempt to be a swinger without your partner’s consent. That would technically be cheating, not swinging. Discuss each other’s opinions first to make sure you’re both on the same page with trying your hand at a new sex life.
Step 2: Establish Rules
You’ll need to talk with your partner a bit more to solidify your relationship before bringing in a new person. There are certain things your partner might not want you doing with another man or woman and vice versa. You’ll need to respect each other’s wishes, or else you aren’t setting yourselves up for success.
Go to a Public Place for Security
While searching for other swingers near you, you might find that there are many who meet online only before hooking up. While that’s a-ok, it might be better for you to go to a public setting with other swingers first. You can learn through observation before you decide on your level of participation.
Socialize and Don’t Drink Excessively
Talk to as few or as many people as you wish. Don’t drink heavily, so you avoid any consent issues and bad judgement calls. While you’re working the room, pay attention to what is going on around you. Then, decide whether to join in somewhere.
Follow-Up with Your Partner Afterwards
It’s imperative that you make sure your partner is comfortable with what is going on during a swinging event. You also need to talk with them afterwards to ensure they had a pleasurable experience. If not, you might not want to try swinging again. If they did, the swinging lifestyle might be perfect for your relationship.
Learn the lingo before you go. There are many different terms that aren’t exactly straightforward. The difference between a full-swap and a soft-swap is like night and day.
Words you’ll want to look up:
- bi-curious – this is someone who has not defined themselves as bi-sexual yet. They are usually looking to experience sex with a person of the same sexual orientation as themselves.
- candaulism – the pleasure derived from watching your partner having sexual contact with someone else.
- closed-door swinging – this act involves swapping partners to have sex in separate rooms.
- exhibitionists – couples who want others to watch them have sex and don’t engage in sex with other people.
- full-swap – swapping partners to go all the way
- girl-on-girl – when two women have sex with each other without their male partners participation. The men will usually watch or assist in pleasuring their own partner
- polyamory – a philosophy that rejects society’s stance on sex being for a committed relationship only. Swingers might be polyamorous, but many are not.
- same-room swinging – swapping partners to have sex in the same room
- soft-swap – swapping partners for soft activities that don’t include intercourse. This is generally hand jobs, kissing, and oral sex.
- troilism – a threesome of any arrangement.
- unicorns – a bisexual woman wanting to have threesomes with couples. These women are extremely rare (hence the name).
- voyeurism – watching others engaged in sexual activities.
If you’re ready to take the plunge into the world of swinging, be sure to talk with your partner. You need to respect them above all else to make your time as swingers successful. PinkCherry has tons of products for convenience to make sure you please whoever you end up with in your new venture.