There are many names for it — "sexy," "mojo," "ability to score some hotness." Whatever you want to call it, knowing how to get your sexy back after a break-up is crucial. After all, breaking up is a fact of life. Everyone will experience a break-up at some point. Men, women and non-binary folks will all feel the pain. And there's no other way to put it — break-ups are painful. They hurt, and they hurt bad. It doesn't matter if you're the break-er or the break-ee, or if it was a long-term or short-term relationship. Break-ups signal a major life change, and that almost always comes with some form of trauma.
But guess what? It does NOT mean that life is over. There is life on the other side of a break-up, and it's often better than what you had before. From going down a new path of self-discovery to experiencing a break-up glow up, post-break-up life is all about you. There will be more fun, more good times and even more sex — that didn't go out the window with your ex. You might feel down in the dumps at first, but you will figure out how to get your sexy back, and we've got three tips to get you started.
1. Give Yourself Time to Heal
The old saying is that "time heals all wounds," and that certainly applies to break-ups. When it first happens, it usually feels like your world is crashing down, but time gives you the much-needed perspective to see that life goes on. A key part of this is that you don't think of yourself, or even the relationship itself, as a failure. Most relationships don't work out, and it's not for lack of trying. After all, to err is human — just because you broke up doesn't mean it wasn't worth anything. That was valuable time spent, even if it's just because it was a learning experience — and a chance to learn more about yourself and what you want (and need) out of a partner.
Likewise, break-ups are not usually one person's fault, and time helps you see that. Unless you or your ex did something truly egregious, chances are you both contributed to the breakdown in your own ways. As such, you must forgive yourself and your ex for the pain you both caused. Time gives you the distance you need to be able to do this properly. Without forgiveness, it will be incredibly difficult to move on and find out how to get your sexy back.
Healing, and the time it takes to do so, is not done in the shadows. Don't hide yourself away. Don't pretend to be happy when you're not. Don't swear off all relationships — or jump right into a new one. Take all the time you need to allow the wounds to heal and do it out in the open for all to see.
2. Get Out of Your Own Head
And get into your own heart. Thinking (and overthinking) is only going to lead to a bunch of questions you can't fully answer — "Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? Will I ever be happy?" Frankly, these are questions that you don't need to be asking, but you will if you stay in your own head. As we said, heal out in the open. Share your thoughts with a trusted friend if you need to, but try not to think much at all.
Never Underestimate the Power of Music
Getting out of your own head requires you to do two things instead — pay attention to yourself and pay attention to your body. Bring everything back to you instead of someone else (namely, your ex). There's a simple way to engage in both of these at one time: listen to music and dance. As easy as it sounds, music and dancing can connect your emotions (your heart) to your body in a way that is grounding. Allow that song to become your everything in that moment, and you'll release yourself from the shackles of your mind, reconnecting your body and spirit. It doesn't matter what type of music you listen to as long as it's something that you feel connected to. You can sway around hypnotically while listening to Enya or headbang your brains out to some death metal — or anything in between. Whatever moves you will move you, and as it flows through your body, learning how to get your sexy back will start to come naturally.
Focus on Yourself
Your confidence is likely to take a hit after a break-up, and you need to get it back. We all know that confidence is sexy. Without it, there's a chance you'll start engaging in unhealthy habits, feeling depressed and getting overwhelmed. A big part of being confident is accepting that you don't need validation from someone else — all you need is you. That's why it's so important to focus on yourself and not feel any kind of pressure, whether related to your love life, career or anything else. Just BE and do what's right for you.
Start by spending some time alone and engaging in self-care and self-love. Therapy is another great way to focus on you and dig into yourself. There's nothing wrong with seeking therapy, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You can also do some journaling to get any thoughts out of your head. While alone time is crucial, an equally important aspect of focusing on yourself (ironic as it may seem) is spending quality time with your friends and loved ones. Reflect on how much they mean to you and express it to them — it will remind you of how many valuable non-romantic relationships you have. However, make sure you don't take your frustrations out on others. A bit of venting is fine, but leave the bitching for your journal.
Focus on Your Body
Your body needs love, and after a break-up, it may seem like it can't get it. But really, it's more important that you love your body than it is for anyone else to. When you're hurting, it's incredibly easy to drown your sorrows in alcohol or numb the pain with comfort food. While this might give you a tiny moment of pleasure, it's not the kind of love your body needs in the long run. So, go ahead and have that whiskey sour or slice of pepperoni, but don't keep going back to that well just to mask your pain.
There's a good chance you'll be longing for human touch, as well. That's normal, and you should experience that touch in a healthy way. Human touch doesn't have to be sexual — a hug from a friend or a professional massage can do wonders for your mental health. At some point, after you've started to find out how to get your sexy back, you'll probably want to get some action, too. And you should! Just make sure that you get it in a way that is healthy for you. As we said, you shouldn't jump right into another relationship, so if you're the type of person who equates sex with relationships, maybe hold off. But if you're someone who can blow off some steam by banging one out (and won't overthink it), go for it! Just be aware of how it might affect your emotions, and always practice safe sex. Don't be afraid to give yourself some action, as well — take this time to explore your own body and try some new things that might turn you on, like a vibrator, clitoral stimulator or vibrating cock ring. The opportunities are endless!
Also, feel free to make yourself look good in a way that makes you feel good. There's no need to go to any extremes, just stick to your personal style and what makes you feel sexy. If you're a gal that feels like a goddess in high heels, then put those suckers on and strut down the street like you never have before. If you're a dude that's proud of his hair, then slick that hair back and oil up that beard before going out. Whatever makes you feel good in your own skin, do it.
3. Embrace Your Raw Emotions — Embrace the Break-Up Glow Up
A lot of people talk about the idea of the "break-up glow up," and what they usually mean is what we just discussed — making yourself look and feel good. A new hairstyle, new skincare routine, new makeup. Those things are great, but really, the break-up glow up goes way beyond that. When you go through a break-up, you'll be flooded with a ton of raw emotions. If you embrace those emotions, your sorrowful aura (or DGAF attitude) can seem sensual and appealing to other people — because it's authentically you. It goes back to that idea of confidence. While it might seem like a paradox, embracing your own vulnerability can lead to a sense of confidence, which again, is always sexy.
Additionally, if you just broke up with someone, chances are you were in a strained relationship leading up to it. That comes with a whole lot of drama and stress, which can take a physical toll on you. Being free of that baggage can give you better posture, a genuine smile and no bags under your eyes. Furthermore, there's actually a psychological concept at play known as "posttraumatic growth." This type of growth can come with a physical "glow," much like women experience during pregnancy, though it may not happen until much later — another reason that time is important. Either way, the break-up glow up is a real thing that happens to your body! And it will come with growth that gives way to a better, more fulfilling life overall. That includes a better sex life, too.
PinkCherry Knows How to Get Your Sexy Back — And So Do You
You are sexy. You've always been sexy, and deep down, you know it. It's not really about knowing how to get your sexy back — it's about rediscovering the sexy that's already within you. When you're taking time to yourself, engaging in self-love and exploring your body, it's a great time to try a new sexual experience. That's where we come in. We've got an amazing selection of sex toys to give you a brand new thrill and remind you that you don't need anyone else to get off. Guys, we've got you covered too, with a collection of masturbators that'll have you getting familiar with your own desires in ways you never thought possible. Need some sexy lingerie for your break-up glow up? We've got pieces that'll make you feel sexier than ever. A break-up is not the end of the world, and PinkCherry is here to remind you that it's not the end of your sex life either.