When it comes to sex toys, it doesn’t get much more classic than a vibrator. And while lots of vibrators can provide external stimulation, there are plenty that can also get all up in there. If you’re looking for some good good penetration action, you’ve come to the right place!
Now, there are a few things to know here beyond just, “Make sure you lube up your sex toys!” (But for real, lube is clutch and you definitely wanna use it). For example, there are lots of different kinds of vibrators out there, but when you’re craving that internal stimulation, you’ve got to know how to insert a vibrator safely. You also want to get a body-safe toy since it’s going to be all in your sexy parts. Silicone vibrators are a great option, which we’ll get to.
Learning about how to use a vibrator
In the words of former senior health editor at SELF Anna Borges, “Let’s be real: You probably didn’t learn how to use a vibrator in sex ed growing up. Luckily for you, it’s not exactly rocket science, and the learning curve is a pleasurable one. Plus, there’s no one right way to use a vibrator; it’s one of those things you can pick up as you go and personalize based on what you like.”
In other words, you get to experiment. And whether you’re currently sans a regular sexy time pal and miss partnered sex, or you want something to supplement the sexual intercourse you’re already having with a partner, there are lots of different kinds of vibes that can help you get that intense orgasm.
For example, you can get a clitoral vibrator (aka clitoral stimulator) that’ll help you have a toe curling clitoral orgasm, or you can get powerful wand vibrators that can add to your sex life (and massage sessions), whether you’re partnered or not. Or you can go for a dual stimulation vibrator like a rabbit, which you can use to penetrate yourself as much or as little as you like while also feeling the buzz of clitoral/outer sweet spot stimulation.
Listen, sexual pleasure is sexual medicine, especially when you’re the one in control. Sexual health is power! Discovering yourself, whether through solo anal play, a bullet vibrator on just your clitoris, or stimulating those magic nerve endings near your perineum in the safety of your own zone, you’re the boss here.
Choose a vibe
The first thing you’ll want to do in exploring sexual pleasure with a vibrator is to pick what kind of delicious feelings you want to experience. For example, are you looking for some gratifying G-spot stimulation? Then you may want a kinda curvy internal vibrator. Or perhaps you’re an aficionado of blended orgasms; in that case, you may want to explore rabbit vibrators.
Another thing to understand is that there are different types of vibration. Not all vibes give you the same sensations. Some are more buzzy, while others are deeper and rumbly vibes. In the words of sexual health educator Navy Bastiaans, “Buzzy vibes provide more of a high-pitched hum, comparable to the vibrations of an electric toothbrush, which focuses stimulation more on the surface of the clit.”
Now, when it comes to inserting a vibrator, many people with vulvas find they prefer the deeper, more rumbly kind of vibrations. While finger vibes and bullet vibes give you that buzz, the lower-pitched vibrations of a lot of G-spot vibrators penetrate more deeply into your whole body, which can be super pleasurable.
When you’re choosing a vibrator that you want to insert, make sure that the style of the vibe is, in fact, insertable. You should be able to hold it securely while in use (unless it’s a panty or wearable vibe), and should, ideally, have a flared base. This is especially true if you’ll be using your vibe for anal penetration.
Vibrator Options
Now we get to the good stuff — all the different kinds of vibrators to choose from!:
External vibrators
These can be really fun, and it’s good to know that if you’re going for vibrators you’re going to insert either vaginally or anally, these are not those. In Borges’s words, “[Internal vibrators] are vibrators you can insert either vaginally or anally. It’s worth noting that a lot of internal vibrators can also be used externally, but external vibrator types usually can’t double as internal adult sex toys. So if you want something with a little more flexibility, an internal vibrator gives you options.”
In other words, the next category is gonna be more extensive but we did wanna touch on these because you should know there are some vibrators that you’re not gonna want to insert because they weren’t made for that. For example, there are suction vibrators whose entire purpose in life is to mimic oral sex. (Amazing, we know.)
Another reason this category is relevant is that you should remember, obviously, that you can pair different sex toys. For example, you could start out with a little suction stimulation and then move on to the insertion of a different vibrator. Your vibrator use is up to you, no one else, and you get to decide exactly what you want at any given time. You’re a free woman! (or man or non-binary person).
Wand Vibrators
A wand vibrator provides vibration through, well, a wand. And there’s a reason wands are so often referred to as magic wands, including Le Wand and a Hitachi Magic Wand. Because they’re freaking magical, people.
Now, wand vibrators are also meant more for external stimulation and not to be inserted. However, they’re so freaking magical they had to be included, especially since sexperts recommend them as an addition to penetrative sex. Why? Because they can provide both clitoral and G-spot stimulation..
What are they? Basically, wand vibes are known for their big heads (teehee). Yep, they’ve got these big, wide, tennis ball-shaped heads. They’ve also got a whole lotta power — their big-ass motors provide lots of pleasurable external stimulation of the clitoris. As sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD puts it, they’re “all about power, pressure, and coverage.”
The other great thing about wand vibes is that since their huuuuuge head has so much surface area, you can use them both during masturbation as well as partnered sex because you can share the good vibes! Yes,erogenous zones like testicles and nipples, will love this kind of attention. Some people even use wand vibes as personal massagers since they’re so powerful.
G-Spot Vibrator
Now we’re continuing on into rumbly territory, but insertable. :) Yep, you can thrust this baby in and out to your little heart’s content.
Now, in your quest for the perfect G-spot vibrator, you’ll want to explore things like firmness vs. softness. If you want lots of pressure on that G-spot, you’ll want something with a more pronounced curve. If you’re also interested in clitoral stimulation while you’re playing inside, you’ll want a toy that offers dual stimulation, which is up next.
Just for review, your G-spot is more of an erogenous zone than an actual specific spot. It’s more like a G-area, but that term hasn’t really taken off yet. ;) It usually starts a few inches into your vaginal canal, and it’s on the “top” of the vaginal wall. In other words, it can be really hard for you to reach on your own, which is why toys like these are so awesome.
Or in the words of Wednesday Lee Friday, "Perhaps the trickiest part of G-spot play is that it’s nearly impossible to locate your own G-spot with your fingers while lying on your back. That means to truly find out what G-spot stimulation feels like, you’ll either need an effective G-spot toy — or a skilled partner."
Dual vibrators (rabbit vibrators)
These sexy toys are frequently referred to as rabbit vibrators, which you may have heard of. They’re specifically made to stimulate you both externally and internally … at the same time. Yes, we’re talkin’ simultaneous stimulation, which can lead to the holy land of the blended orgasm.
Some people consider the rabbit vibrator the best of both worlds, since they basically provide both an insertable vibrator as well as an external portion that’s designed to tickle your clitoris. You get that good, good lovin’ both outside and inside you.
As Amy Levine puts it, “Because the clitoris and the G-spot are different erogenous zones, stimulating both is going to make for a more powerful orgasm for many women.”
Yowza.
Anal Vibrators
Never thought about sticking something vibrating up your booty? Well, it’s time to reconsider.
First just a quick safety tip: whatever goes up your butt must come out. And yes, sometimes things get stuck up people booties … which is a really embarrassing trek to the emergency room.
To eliminate that decidedly unpleasant possibility, you really wanna make sure that your anal vibrator is shaped correctly. Always get a toy with a flared bottom, or wide base that’ll prevent said vibe from slipping too far up there. Anal vibrators come in all different shapes and sizes, and you want to start with a petite version and then work your way up. Don’t forget to also use plenty of lube!
Set the mood
OK! You’ve got your vibrator and now it’s time to get the party started. According to Gigi Engle, certified sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life, “Setting the mood for sexy time is super important. In order to be embodied sexually, we need to feel safe, comfortable, and relaxed.”
It turns out that feeling safe, comfy and relaxed includes certain sort of practical concerns getting handled, such as it being warm enough. Many women can’t actually come if they’re too cold! So you’re gonna wanna cozy up under some blankets or huddle close to your partner to get yourself all warmed up.
Related to this is the fact that sometimes doing things like wearing socks is actually a smart idea when it comes to sexy time. Socks are little things that can help your body know that it’s safe and warm, which can help with the big O.
Also, there’s a reason that candles come up so much in the “setting the mood” zone. Lighting is super important! Consider getting a lamp that has a few settings, including low lighting, so you can see that fun sex toy but also not be overwhelmed by harsh overhead light.
“If you have harsh fluorescent lights beating down on you, it could make you feel less in the mood for orgasms,” shares Engle. “Plus, we are all (well, mostly) more kind to our beautiful bodies in a softer light — and feeling good about yourself is crucial for good sexual experiences.”
Use lube
Again, we can’t stress this enough: lube is luscious! Depending on what kind of toy you’re playing with, different lubes will make sense. You should also be aware that the pH balance of your lube matters, especially if you’ve got a vulva. When it comes to things that’ll be inserted, you ideally want lube with a pH of around 4. For anal, you’re looking for a pH between 5.5 and 7.
There are a ton of different kinds of lubes to play with, and you’ll want to go into your slippery quests with a spirit of experimentation. Just make sure your lube plays nice with your toy — no silicone lube with a silicone toy, for example. Water-based lubes are better for that.
Start slow
In the words of sex therapist Kate Balestrieri, “Sure, you can feel things during fast sex, but during slower sex, there is more time for your brain to process the experience of each sensation.”
You can start by just touching yourself all over your body, not just in the obvious zones. Warming yourself up is a real thing! Deep breathing will also help slow you down and relax you. Box breathing is one easy way to do that smoothly and easily.
Balestrieri goes on, “Too often, the focus of sex is penetration. Slower sex allows you to focus on so many other avenues of pleasure to get out of your head and drop into your body.” You want to be turned on already before you insert anything, so do take your time!
Find your hot spots
Here’s a thing to internalize: You’ve got lots of different erogenous zones.
If you’re a clitoris-owner, then you already know about that particular hot spot. But have you ever played around with your back door? E,ven just a li’l bit of external stimulation around your anus or even perineum can be super pleasurable — and you may not have experimented there before. You don’t even need a dedicated anal toy for that; you can just use your hand or vibrator even over your underwear back there.
Basically you want to use your vibrator to find different hot spots all around your body, including your nipples, neck, thighs, feet, backs of your knees, and other unexpected spots. You’ll be surprised at how good it feels to uncover these gems.
Experiment
Vaginal penetration can feel really good. But it’s not the be-all end-all, and it’s not the only thing you can do. For example, during pregnancy — especially advanced stages — you may want to play with a partner or play solo, with or without penetration itself.
Also, a lot of us get to know ourselves and then have a specific way we get ourselves off. So you may want to just go with that and find a vibrator that mimics this kind of sensation, especially when you’re starting out.
But it’s also worth branching out! If you’ve never played with any kind of anal stimulation, maybe try it. Maybe even get an anal toy so you can have a dedicated object that you can clean extra well after the fact (you never want to cross-contaminate an anal toy with your vaginal canal, for example). Speaking of cleaning, you want to make sure to cleanse your sex toys after each use; warm soap and water can do the trick or sex toy cleaner. If you’ve got porous toys, this goes double.
There are lots and lots of reasons to explore vibrators, including the fact that some folks in relationships can’t have penetrative sex for a variety of reasons. In the words of one study, when it comes to sexual stimulation:
“Vibrator use may enhance a sexual relationship by increasing the likelihood of orgasm for women, thereby reducing pressure to achieve orgasm with vaginal–penile intercourse, and by facilitating orgasm in those with limited energy/fatigue (Marcus, 2011).
If mutual orgasm during penile–vaginal intercourse is a patient goal, clitoral vibration may increase its likelihood (Lloyd, 2009). Finally, vibratory stimulation may play a role in the renegotiation of sexual intimacy in patients with cancer where penile–vaginal penetration is not feasible or is contraindicated (Gilbert, Ussher, & Perz, 2010).”
In other words, sexy time is good for your health. So get out there and catch those good vibes!
