Most folks eager to broaden their sexual horizons have questions. What is double penetration? What is impact play? What are anal beads? If you’re ready to unlock the joys of intense orgasm for penis-havers, the prostate is the way to go. Many men and folks assigned male at birth swear by the prostate gland or (P-spot) as a key erogenous zone— once they’ve tried prostate stimulation, they’ve never gone back.
It’s also worth addressing a fear that some people have around exploring their backdoor in the context of prostate stimulation: that they don’t know where the prostate gland is. In the words of GQ, “For many men, finding a woman’s G-spot is up there with opening a unicorn riding school for achievable goals (my sympathies, ladies), but with your own fun zone, you’ve no excuse: it’s easy to find! … it needs no map or GPS – you require only two hands and an ability to get over yourself.”
The fact is, prostate stimulation is something every penis-haver should try at least once, and perhaps more frequently as they age, due to the likelihood of continuing prostate-related health complications.
Where exactly is the prostate?
It might be disappointing to hear, but only cis-men and penis-havers from birth have a prostate. The wonder button known as the prostate is a walnut-sized clump of tissue located about 2-5 2-4 inches up the rectum.
This luscious little hidden-away gland is responsible for creating prostate fluid, which means it’s responsible for generating a large portion of sperm volume. Located just below the bladder, the prostate is accessible through the rectum (meaning you can get to it internally), and it’s also partially able to be accessed via external massage of the perineum (aka the “taint”).
What are the benefits of regular prostate massage?
Not to put too fine a point on it, but one of the major benefits of regular prostate massage is insane orgasms. While anal play and anal penetration can be a little intimidating for some, especially if it’s a new area of exploration, it’s good to remember that you’ve got tons of nerve endings up there and that you might just be in for the wildest sexual ride of your life. In the words of one man, “I think if more men knew how explosive your orgasm could be if you stimulate your prostate at the same time, they’d all be doing it.”
In addition to a luxurious, delicious, pleasurable feeling, the benefits of prostate massage include helping with erectile dysfunction (or any other prostate issue), an overall lowering of pain and tension in the pelvic region, and increased seminal volume during orgasm. Looking to get someone pregnant? Getting your prostate milked might help!
It’s worth noting that prostate massage therapy doesn’t have any direct ties to addressing premature ejaculation. If that’s something you’re tackling, you may need some other assistance. If there is any truth to this theory, it’s probably around the fact that after experiencing extreme prostate pleasure and a penile orgasm, on the next sexual round, you may have more staying power because you’ve just released all the prostatic fluid you’ve been saving for a special occasion.
Are there any side effects and risks?
While it’s safe to stimulate the prostate externally or internally with a hand or prostate massager, just like other parts of your body, you can irritate it to the point of being inflamed. It’s a very sensitive part of the body, which on one level is quite good (it can take you sky high, pleasure-wise), but if you overstimulate your prostate, you may experience some unwanted outcomes. For example, overstimulation of the prostate can cause prostatitis or inflammation of the prostate.
If you think you might’ve engaged in some hard prostate play, a quick list of symptoms of prostatitis are:
- a painful and/or burning sensation when peeing
- having to pee often, especially at night
- needing to pee urgently
- cloudy urine
- blood in your urine
- abdominal, groin, or low back pain
- painful ejaculation
- difficulty urinating
- fever/chill like symptoms associated with muscle aches
Coincidentally, these are the same symptoms of acute bacterial prostatitis, so If this sounds like you, you should check in with your local favorite medical practitioner just to be sure everything is OK. If this has been going on for a while, it might even be chronic prostatitis.
As with any other form of anal stimulation, there are some risks inherent with butt play. These involve incorrect preparation and practices such as overly vigorous activity without adequate patience, putting / leaving over-large objects in the booty, and anal sex without enough lube. All these things can be mitigated with a little patience, care, and lube, lube, and lube. (Did we mention lube?)
How to massage a prostate
While your fingers can probably get all the way up into your booty to explore Prostatic Pleasure Lane, your fingers have joints, ridges, and potentially sharp points. These things (especially your fingernails) can damage your delicate anal tissues and may jab and poke more than gently prod or nudge the sensitive prostate tissue. So, if you’re going the manual route, keep your fingernails trimmed. You can also choose to wear some latex gloves or a finger cot to keep things nice and clean.
What can be helpful when it comes to self-massage and the prostate is using a prostate toy - a sex toy that’s been specifically designed to help you or a partner stimulate your prostate. Yes, you can get your very own prostate massager wand to cast very particular self-pleasure spells on your very own booty. These kinds of adult sex toys have ergonomic handles and are angled properly to get all up in there easily, allowing you to do regular prostatic massage on yourself or someone else.
As mentioned earlier, the prostate is inside the anus about two to four five inches up, toward the belly button. There are a few different ways to access your or their prostate:
Here’s one of the simplest prostate stimulating positions: have them lay on their back, legs up. Get your index or middle finger nice and slippery with lots of lube, then gently and slowly insert your finger into their bottom, palm up. Be sure to check in with your partner often, and always stop or slow down if they’re uncomfortable.
Once the sphincter is relaxed, it’ll accept your lubed finger farther up; at this point, you’ll want to gently probe the top wall of the anal canal (try gently stroking your finger in a beckoning motion) and feel for a clump or bulge of walnut-shaped tissue. On another note, you can also stimulate the anus with anal sex toys.
A normal prostate has a soft and rubbery feeling, as well as a palpable groove down the middle (kinda like a walnut). Once you’ve found it, gently ‘milk’ the area with your finger with light taps, press & release pressure, and small circles.
Start gently at first, and depending on the response you receive, you could get a little more vigorous. With a little patience, diligence, repetition, and attention, you just might witness a prostate orgasm, sometimes known as a ‘Super O’. Sometimes, a prostate orgasm can happen alongside ejaculation, but not always. In either case, a P-spot orgasm will almost always accompany extreme sexual pleasure.
Words of caution: If you’re doing internal or external prostate massage and you feel an enlarged prostate, it might be a sign that the prostate is inflamed. Unfortunately, it could also be an indication of prostate cancer. Prostate cancer is the most common type of cancer in penis-havers besides skin cancer. Please note that it’s not a good idea to do prostate massage if you might have prostate cancer because it could cause the cancer cells to break off and spread to nearby areas. It’s best just to go get it checked out immediately. Prostate health and sexual health are important!
Another potential prostate problem is benign prostatic hyperplasia (also known as prostate gland enlargement), which is a common condition in older penis-havers. This isn’t a problem from the cancer perspective, but it might make things like peeing difficult due to the size of the prostate gland. It can also cause kidney, bladder, and urinary tract issues. It doesn’t affect your ability to do prostatic secretions and ejaculation though so there’s that.
Prostate stimulation can also be triggered during regular ole anal intercourse with your penis-haver, whether that’s with your own actual cock or with a strap-on. Penis-owners describe this experience as extremely pleasurable in a much different way than normal ejaculation is pleasurable.
What’s it actually like, you ask? Well, in the words of Dominus:
“I first experienced my prostate orgasm in my early 20s. Coincidentally, this was my first time with someone who did sex work on the side, though I wasn't a client. [She asked] me if I wanted to have butt play since I was sexually open. (I identify as sexually fluid.) She set a massage table with sheets, paper towels on the side, lube, and surgical gloves. She had all the pro tools ready to go. She proceeded to work over what I never really got to access as easily, I mean, I tried many a time fingering myself in the shower to no avail, and within minutes of prostate play with a blowjob, I shot hot fire like I never had before.”
So there you have it. If you want to temporarily turn into a dragon, get yourself some good good prostate massage. Rowr.