Whether you’re a petite person, a big strapping one or you’re somewhere in between, unlocking the combination of your ideal sexual expression frequently involves trying new things. And if you’ve ever wanted to lean into your kinky side, self bondage can be the way to go! Tips, tricks, and tools exist to help you get just the right amount of stuck for just the right amount of time.
What is self bondage?
Self bondage is the art of getting oneself restricted or hampered in some way, maybe through tricky gizmos and mechanisms, maybe through tactful preparation and ropes. It’s a way of connecting to your erotic side, as well as expressing your sexual creativity.
Now, it’s true that getting all tied up can be a lot easier with two or more people. However, with one person, it can become its own intriguing art form. Self bondage can involve something as simple as locking your away naughty bits in one of a few well-fitted chastity devices (this can help you lean into orgasm denial, if that’s something that piques your interest).
And if you’ve been very bad and want to take steps in a different direction, maybe it’s time to don your restrictive-yet-super-sensually-satisfying latex body suit. Or tie your limbs up with a handy dandy wrist coil (with scissors nearby!). Or put yourself in an ice lock handcuff and think about what you’ve done.
Why do self bondage?
There are many reasons to try self bondage. For doms (the dominant partner in a BDSM scene or coupling), self bondage is a fantastic way to practice your technique, and truly understand the rigors and stresses that your sub (submissive partner) will be exposed to. If you’re going to be tying other people up, it can be illuminating and powerful to experience that sensation yourself.
Another advantage is that maybe you’re into the power exchange inherent in different types of BDSM, but you don’t feel like you get to play enough; waiting for the next dungeon might be too much for you! Self bondage is a way to get a bit more of that luscious in or out-of-control feeling that you may crave. Some people swear by it.
Maybe you just really like DIY escape rooms, but it’s your own room and you’ve got to figure out how to get out of the sticky situation you’ve masterminded for yourself. Maybe you’re in a long-distance relationship, and engaging in a self bondage session or breast bondage via video is a part of the way you and Faraway Boo keep the relationship hot and heavy. It can be extremely stimulating to add in some verbally-directed erotic bondage, and/or get intimate with adult sex toys like the BDSM ball gag, vibrators, or fucking machines for the viewing pleasure of your favorite pal.
Honestly, there doesn’t have to be a magical, exotic reason why you’re into donning a ball gag, body harness, handcuff or wrist cuff, and ankle cuffs. You might just like it, and that’s reason enough. Your sexuality is an expression of your humanity, and you get to do whatever you damn well please!
5 ways to do self bondage
First a note of caution: Self bondage can be dangerous, especially if you’re doing anything that involves the potential for asphyxiation. If you’re buying a bondage set online, unless you’re very experienced and have safety protocols in place, steer clear of anything that involves solo breath play (any sort of windpipe restriction). We really don’t want you to become the subject of a tragic self bondage story gone wrong.
But fear not! There are plenty of other ways to engage in self bondage that have nothing to do with all that, and can be satisfying and delightful in their own right. Here are some tips on how to do self bondage well:
Start simple
Self bondage can be its own sensual experience. If you’re bringing a bit of that exciting spice in your own solo pleasure practice, it doesn’t need to be extreme right away (or at all, really).
You could start with a simple bondage device such as a smooth, silky blindfold. If that doesn’t strike you as quite kinky enough, keep in mind that the removal of one sense makes you more dependent on others. If you can’t see what’s going on when you’re getting real intimate with yourself, you’re going to have to rely more on the sense of touch to grip, poke, prod, and explore. That already sounds a little exciting. ;)
Get a self bondage kit
Want to get all stuck in loops, knots, and ties with some tight rope, but can’t quite get the system down to do it all on your own? Turns out there are kits entirely dedicated to providing a safe, authentic self bondage experience.
If you’re looking to get hog-tied, but you’re all on your own, there’s a plethora of quick-and-dirty kits to get you stuck in just the right way. Now, you really want to be sure you’re getting a reputable kit because they’re going to come with their own safety-release devices or other ways of escaping in case things go wrong. And even with a trusty escape button, it’s always a good idea to have a safety backup person, just in case.
Also, as mentioned earlier, steer clear of anything that involves any sort of neck restraints. The consequences of something going wrong are high, and without backup/monitoring by a dedicated friend or partner, it’s just too unsafe. You’re an adult, and you can make your own choices, but do so carefully and responsibly.
Timed confinement with an ice lock
An ice lock is a device filled with water that's meant to be frozen. This keeps the wearer’s hands, feet, etc. stuck for as long as the ice is there, with the ice on these devices functioning as a crafty safety release mechanism. These are as close to failsafe as you can get, because as long as you’re in a warm enough environment, the ice WILL melt, so eventually you’ll be free of them.
What’s great about these is that a device like an ice lock can provide the physical restraint you’re looking for for a short, well-defined period of time. This timed release mechanism can make self bondage style confinement last a specific length of time.
Adorning yourself with rope
Ever thought a rope corset or body harness would look really great on you but don’t have a pal to set the whole thing up? Ever wanted to try breast bondage out on your own before including others? Conveniently, there are many self-rope-tying techniques that can give you the sensual satisfaction of comfy silk or nylon ropes snug against your skin.
In the words of one dom, “When you tie a person up, you can make them look freaking HOT. There are so many decorative ways to tie someone, but some examples; corset harnesses, ‘damsel in distress’ ties, spiderwebs, and any number of intricate and appealing ties. (This is why rope bondage photos are so damn popular on Fetlife). You can tie a person in such a way as to provocatively show off their assets ‘against their will’, and you can use it to accentuate, accessorize, and highlight just how hot a person is; and why you want to ravish them so badly.”
All you really need is a simple Youtube video guide or image guide with flowing text instructions to help shine a little light on where to place and tie your ropes. You can even throw on some baggy over your newfangled harness or BDSM clothing and a BDSM collar and walk around town all tied up. Nobody will know!
Self bondage through bondage tape
Bondage tape is a great tool to easily apply some movement or sight limitations onto yourself. Make up a trusty bondage tape hood (leave yourself breathing holes!), or give yourself a timeout by tying your legs and wrists together. Just don’t forget to keep Get Out of Bondage Free equipment nearby (safety tools).
How to escape self bondage
You always, always want to be able to get out of whatever you’re getting yourself into. This is especially true when you’re flying solo.
Listen, safety scissors are cheap, and having multiple pairs of safety scissors is also cheap. With that in mind, in self bondage/BDSM activity you should have many pairs within reach during any sort of self BDSM rope play. Also keep in mind that the scissors are great, but they’re not helpful if your hands are tied behind your back and the scissors are still on the desk, or table, or shelf, or chair. Have multiple pairs available, and all around your solo scene. Safety first! You need multiple options when it comes to escaping your evil captor (yourself).
If you’re practicing self restraint (har har) with something more robust than rope, be sure to have the appropriate emergency exit safety gear nearby. For example, if you’re using handcuffs, have backup keys within reach and also bolt cutters if you happen to lose the key so that you can also cut the chain if necessary. Trust us -- you don’t really wanna be knocking on a neighbor’s door at midnight asking them if they’ve got bolt cutters because you locked yourself up.
Self bondage safety tips
While the point of self BDSM is to do things alone, having a buddy or backup nearby to help is a great way to make this solo practice also a safe solo practice. Have a backup buddy, or a cell phone, or an oh-shit button you can press to get help nearby. A few other safety tips:
- Don’t overestimate your abilities. Start slow and work your way up.
- Don’t do self bondage right after eating a big meal. Take it from experienced peeps; you want your tummy to be OK throughout this experience.
- Prepare your space and the items you’ll be using in advance.
- Have safety scissors accessible! Think about what happens if you drop them.
- Test things while having escape routes/things like safety scissors on hand. You’d be surprised by how many people thought they were just “testing something out” and then realized they were stuck.
Why self bondage is hot
We spend a lot of our lives trying to figure things out, manage things, arrange things, and get things to work. Sometimes it’s freeing to take a freakin' break.
Self bondage can be a way to play in the world of not having control, but in a safer, controlled way (if you’re doing it well). In the words of sexpert Jaimee Bell, “Maybe you’re a working parent who does the same household tasks every day and cooks the same meals every week, just looking for the rush and release that comes from tying yourself up.
Or maybe you’re a high-powered career type who for once in their lives wants to feel like they aren’t in control of a situation. Bondage can be the whole game or it can be adrenaline-filled foreplay. The end goal is to take you out of your world and put you into a scenario where things are exciting, suspenseful, and fun.”
Exciting, suspenseful, and fun — what could be better?
