For many, there comes a point in your sexual exploration and experimentation when you feel prepared to try bringing one (or all!) of your sexual fantasies to life. Exploring sexual fantasies can be a healthy, fulfilling, super pleasurable way to learn more about your sexuality and turn-ons — and to bring some seriously thrilling new toys and props into the bedroom.
Each person’s sexual fantasies are highly individual, and often highly specific. For that reason, we won’t be exploring how to incorporate toys and props into every fantasy scenario — in fact, we’ll only be looking at five of the most common sexual fantasies: BDSM, pegging, costumes and roleplay, stockings and lingerie, and group sex. More experienced kinksters and fetishists might find this a bit basic, but if you’re new to exploring your sexual fantasies, we hope to help you on the path to healthy, sexy self-discovery with these introductory tops!
1. Think it through
We don’t mean you should second-guess bringing your fantasy to life. But the most important part of exploring your sexual fantasies IRL is doing a little self-exploration first: really give some thought to what ideas and scenarios turn you on, and which of those you’d be comfortable trying. An easy way to do this is to think about what type of porn you tend to gravitate towards, or what scenarios you find yourself thinking about when masturbating. Of course, not all fantasies can be replicated in the flesh — if your fantasy involves a specific celebrity, for instance, you’re probably out of luck — so try to zero in on scenarios and activities you could actually try with an existing partner or partners. If you’re not partnered, this is still a good exercise: once you’re more aware of what types of sex you’re interested in trying, you can be ready to communicate these desires to a partner or partners in the future!
2. Discuss it with your partner(s)
If you have a sexual or romantic partner or partners, the second step in bringing your sexual fantasies to life is to, well, talk about it! Let your partner(s) know what you’d like to try, and that you’d like to try it with them. Some fantasies, such as roleplay, can involve a significant amount of advance preparation — you may even want your partner or partners to stick to a specific script or scenario. Other fantasies, such as anything involving bondage or BDSM, might involve the use of pain or discomfort for pleasure, and it’s important to negotiate any and all do’s, don’ts, and boundaries between yourself and your partner or partners before taking the plunge. You may also wish to set a safeword that can be used at any time, for any reason, to immediately shut things down.
Let your partner(s) know what you’re interested in, but make sure to be clear that there’s no pressure to agree to any scenarios or ideas that they’re uncomfortable with — even (and, often, especially) in instances of role-play, active, enthusiastic consent is the most important thing.
If you and your partner or partners agree to try something new together, you’ll still have to do a little planning: depending on the fantasy, you may need to purchase new toys or props. Consider this a sexy relationship-building exercise. Think of it as part of the fun: shopping for toys, props, and outfits together can help both (or all) of you get a little more excited to act out a new fantasy together!
An important note: some individuals who enjoy BDSM also enjoy what is known as “consensual non-consent”, which involves role-playing nonconsensual behaviours. If this is something you and your partner are interested in exploring, it’s important to set clear boundaries and expectations about what this “scene” or dynamic can comprise, and all partners must agree to respect the fact that consent can be revoked by anyone, at any time.
3. Set the stage
You may want to be spontaneous about acting out your sexual fantasy, but it might be helpful — especially the first time trying something new — to set a date to give your new toys and/or scenario a whirl! This will not only help you and your partner(s) prepare for the occasion, but will add an element of titillating anticipation.
If your fantasy involves elaborate props, such as a fetish swing or suspension set-up, you’ll basically have to do some advanced preparation — stopping mid-makeout to rig a swing to the ceiling will probably kill the mood. If you’re using props like these, make sure to follow assembly and installation instructions properly, to ensure your playdate is safe and injury-free!
4. Get to it!
If you’re ready to bring your fantasy to life, here are some fantasy-specific tips, tricks, and toys.
BDSM can involve a wide spectrum of bondage, restraint, impact play (like spanking or slapping) and many other forms of dominance and submission. Power dynamics are at the core of BDSM, and you’d like to start slow, consider some wrist or ankle restraints, or even a pair of fuzzy handcuffs. If you know that you — or your partner — enjoy a little bit of impact, you may want to try a paddle for spanking or a flogger or whip for slightly-more-advanced impact play.
You may like a little — or a lot! — of pain and discomfort with your pleasure, which is where toys like nipple clamps, chastity cages, and electro-stim toys, which provide electrical shocks to anywhere on the body, come into play. If you’re a first-timer, you may want to use some of these toys on yourself first, to get a better sense of how they feel and what type of sensation you enjoy getting from them, before you put your pain-meets-pleasure in the hands of your partner. PinkCherry has amazing starter bondage kits to set you up with everything you need to enter the world of BDSM.
Pegging is the insertion of a toy or wearable dildo into the anus of a partner of any gender. Anal penetration can provide intense, incredible pleasure, but if you’re completely new to this fantasy, you and your partner absolutely MUST start slow. Consider purchasing a “beginner” pegging toy, which will be a dildo with a smaller girth (and, often, shorter length), which will help you get used to the sensation of anal penetration. Even here, the toy should be inserted gradually and slowly, and with plenty of lube! (Seriously, when pegging, no matter how experienced you are, use as much lube as you think you’ll need, and then use more. And then even more. And maybe a bit more than that.)
Partners interested in pegging can invest in a harness and dido kit, which will be worn over the pelvic area of the person doing the penetrating, or a strapless strapon, which can be inserted into the vagina of the person doing the penetrating. If both partners have a vagina, a double-ended dildo will provide penetrative pleasure for both parties.
For many people interested in roleplay, sexual encounters often follow “scenes” — these are not necessarily scripted, but involve a set order of scenarios that should be followed as closely as possible. For instance, this could be a checkup with a naughty nurse that ends in oral sex, or a sexy meetup between a schoolgirl and a teacher, or a room-service call that turns sultry. (Again — as always — these scenarios must be comfortable and consented to by all partners!) For situations like the ones mentioned, sexy costumes will certainly help set the stage.
Stockings and lingerie
This may seem simple and straightforward, but for many, thigh-high stockings, corsets, and garters are the ultimate fantasy! These types of garments can accentuate and highlight parts of the body that many find most alluring, whether that’s the breasts, thighs, or, yes, feet. Consider asking your partner to keep their sexy thigh-highs or figure-flattering corset on during sex, as this will likely provide you with incredible visual stimulation.
Frankly, just about any of the toys mentioned above can work in a group-sex setting — but the most important thing to keep in mind during group sex is that everyone is enjoying themselves. Be attentive to your partners, maintain any boundaries and, most of all, have fun!