Confidence in bed: let’s talk about it. Feeling self-conscious when it comes to sex, whether doing it a position like doggy style or reverse cowgirl with the lights on (where your ass is right there on full display) is totally normal. It can be vulnerable to try out different sex positions, especially if you’re still building up your confidence in bed.
The truth is, the best sex positions for low confidence have less to do with body parts on the outside and more to do with how you feel inside. The way you feel sexy will be unique to you, and the more you lean into your own particular sexy style, the more pleasure you’ll experience (both physically and emotionally).
Now let’s talk about pleasure. Any sex therapist worth their salt will tell you that your pleasure is paramount when it comes to having great sex — and growing your own confidence in bed. Lucky for you (and your partner), there are a plethora of options when it comes to boosting your pleasure and giving you a sweet confidence boost along the way.
Here are some of the best sex toys and sex positions for boosting your body confidence:
1. Spooning sex
How it works: Whoever is getting penetrated is the little spoon, and the penetrator is the big spoon. You can lift your leg behind you, over your partner’s, or leave it right where it is.
If you’re not quite ready for full face-to-face action (and the intense eye contact that can come with it), spooning sex with your lover is an awesome way of being close and feeling all that warm, gooey intimacy without overdoing it.
This is also a great sex position to get comfortable touching yourself in — another great way of boosting your sexual confidence. Many women report feeling shy or otherwise intimated to touch themselves during sex, yet this is one of the best ways to get pleasurably stimulated!
So since you’re facing away from your partner in this position, it can be a perfect way to ease into your own clitoral stimulation. Make it feel even better and slicker by adding a special lube to the mix. There are clitoral arousal creams that can add a little somethin’ somethin’ to your play, and even a tightening pleasure gel if you want to get that special like-a-virgin feel inside.
2. Pump it up
Of course women/vagina-owners aren’t the only ones who might be feeling self-conscious when it comes to sex and arousal. Penis-owners have a whole set of concerns, some of which include penis size, getting hard, and staying hard.
Ever been curious about penis pumps? They’re not the “miracle cure” that some ads make them out to be, but they can be an unexpectedly fun sex toy in that they’re both effective and can also surprise you (both physically and emotionally). Seeing your penis swell up to its full, proud size can be a confidence boost as well as a way of you feeling comfortable in your own skin. When you know you’ll be on full display, it can be good to know you’ve also got that pumpin’ back-up.
Speaking of surprises, did you know there are pumps for vulva-owners, as well? Not only are there ones that provide delicious clitoral stimulation (hello, increased blood flow that then makes other contact even more pleasing), but there are also special pumps that mimic the delights of oral sex. While not the sex toy you may have expected, it could be the one that leaves you falling off the edge of the bed in pleasure.
How it works: The person getting penetrated lies on their back, while the one with the penis (or strap-on) sits straight up on top, straddling their partner.
The glory of this position is twofold: one, it allows a vulva-owner to grind their clitoris against their partner’s pelvic bone. This can quite simply drive you wild, as you experience both penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time, while also gazing up at your partner.
Want more? Have the one penetrating do shallow thrusts. This will reach a woman’s G-spot better than deep movements. And if there’s one way to gain confidence in bed, it’s to have a raging orgasm that makes everything slick and intense and crazy-making in the very best way. Yeehaw!
4. Rev your engine (and prep it for the long haul)
While not exactly a sex toy, playing with a libido booster and/or climax control spray can be a lot of fun (and boost your confidence) if you’ve got a penis. If you’ve ever wanted to get hard, stay hard, and feel sexy for a long time but felt like you couldn’t quite get there (or can’t quite get there the way that you used to), play with some of these options. After all, the best sex position for low confidence is you feeling your best, and cock control does have something to do with that.
Speaking of feeling your best and boosting your confidence in bed, one of the best ways of overcoming feeling self-conscious is wearing something you feel fabulous in. While society continues to perpetuate the very wrong idea that a size 4 is a normal size for a woman (it’s not), the fact is that curves are hot, and there are very sexy lingerie options made specifically for curvy women.
Another hot take: Wear a gartered lingerie outfit (or at least the bottom half) during the day. Every time you go to the bathroom, take a moment in the mirror to check out how incredible your legs and back side looks! It’s an instant confidence boost and gets you all anticipatory for later that evening with your lover — or favorite sex toy.
5. Woman on top
Speaking of dressing up, this position allows for all of that gorgeous prep you did to be on full display! Whether you’re facing forward or rocking reverse cowgirl, you also get to muss your hair yourself here, move your body all over that sexy pubic bone underneath you for sensual clitoral stimulation, and maintain eye contact with your partner if you’re facing them.
When it comes to penetrative sex, this is one of the best positions for orgasm for women. You can also play with sex toys for couples like a vibrating cock ring — getting that hands-free stimulation on both sides can be ridiculously fun.
Bonus: Mutual masturbation
While penetrative sex is, of course, deeply pleasurable, it doesn’t always guarantee an orgasm on either side. In fact, some research suggests that a full 70% of women with vaginas don’t come to orgasm through intercourse alone. (That’s a lot!)
Enter the beauty of mutual masturbation. This can be a huge confidence boost for you when done properly, because you get to be in full control of your body, while also witnessing your partner in their full pleasure, as well. You can play with lots of eye contact or just a little. You can also play with sex toys like beautiful glass dildos (for both vaginal or prostate stimulation) to up the ante.
One of the best parts of incorporating sex toys into your pleasure practice (whether that’s solo or with a partner) is that with every toy you get and play with, the better you get to know your own body. As you learn how each sex toy stimulates you differently, you become even more intimately acquainted with your own turn-on and capacity for pleasure. Sex toys often help you gain confidence in bed overall, because you become more skilled in your own turn-on.
For example, if you’ve always been a little curious about anal play but aren’t ready to engage in that with a partner, you can use a wand or a butt plug to just do some light stimulation yourself (there are even butt plugs that vibrate). Or if you’ve got a vulva but you’ve always been self-conscious about someone going down on you, you can get a similar sensation (to help you work up to having a human partner) with sex toys like an oral stimulator.
However you get to it, get to it! Knowing yourself sexually is the very best way to boost your confidence in bed.