Sex is pretty great, but sometimes it gets a little routine, ya know? Say sex is like ice cream — maybe you want something a little more exciting than vanilla sometimes. Now, it’s just possible that adding some rope to your ice cream might just tie the whole thing together.
If delicious sex with your boo is your jam, and maybe one or both of you needs a little restraining, there are some very exciting bondage sex positions available for all your Nope-You’re-Not-Going-Anywhere sexual adventures.
Why try bondage anyway?
Giving up control of your mobility explicitly through being caught, tied up, restrained, or stuck at the mercy of another can be a very intimate and trust-building activity. You also don’t have to go whole hog, so to speak. According to Dr. Jess O'Reilly, resident sexologist for Astroglide, “You don't need to be tied down spread-eagle to enjoy the erotic appeal of bondage.” There are lots of in-between options.
Exploring bondage can also be a way to inject sexual excitement, heat, and variety into what can potentially become a habitual (or dare we even say boring) sex life. Perhaps you and your partner generally only have sex in a few different positions; this means that it’s likely that making the transformation from brunette corporate worker to enticing BDSM brunette slave will switch things up in a potentially naughty and fantastic way.
Because really, being secured in different bondage positions via handcuffs and/or going through a sexy interrogation complete with bondage tape or chair bondage sounds like a great way to unwind, right?
Communication is key
When it comes to trying tied up sex positions or anything bondage play-related, clear communication is essential to safe and consensual play. In truth, communication is vital for any type of relationship, but if you’re going to get fancy and put together an elaborate Japanese bondage shibari sex swing scene (complete with a sex toy or two), there better be some pre-agreed upon rules for how to say This Isn’t Working For Me.
A good place to begin is with safe words. Your safe words should be something easy to understand and hard to forget. One simple and well-known system is “Green, Yellow, Red.” Either person can call out any color at any time. Here’s a quick overview of what the words mean:
- Green: Things are going great! Continue doing the kink things.
- Yellow: Something is afoot. I (your kink buddy) need a check-in. I’m not sure I want things to proceed like this, and it may require an adjustment.
- Red: Stop. Something is happening that isn’t working.
The nice thing about this system is that it gives you clear options regarding how to quickly and effectively express consent to your partner. Sometimes you don’t want to stop play altogether, and a check-in phrase like “Yellow” comes in handy. At other times you’ve gotten overwhelmed and need whatever play is occurring to halt — Red clearly communicates that you are good and done with whatever’s going on at that moment.
If you’re going to delve more into kink play, there are tons of helpful resources on how to effectively express consent, pre-negotiation on boundaries and limits, and other fun things to explore, but that’s a little more info than is intended here today.
Safety comes first
So you and your partner are planning on using some bondage rope to make things more exciting — that’s great! The first thing you want to know is that any time restraints are used, it’s important to have a quick and easy exit strategy. Rope play, in particular, can cause serious injury, so it’s important to know what risks are present in getting knotty.
First, ropes can constrict circulation, which doesn’t do great things to the body. If you’re not confident in your ability to tie rope in a way that won’t constrict the body, another great bondage option is wrist and ankle restraints, which come in multiple sizes and generally use the same securing mechanism as belts. This is a great place to start if you’re just getting into bondage.
Bondage restraints often also have places to attach the rope to, too, so you can also tap into that Stay-Right-There energy without having to invest the time into learning to tie a proper single- or double-column tie (though you should! Knowing your way around rope is both great for sex things and also securing loads to a truck. Or maybe tying your boo to the truck bed?).
In the realm of tools and adult sex toys for safe rope sex, it’s important to have some safety shears available. What are safety shears? Basically, they’re scissors for rope. They make it easy to cut a rope quickly if needed — which is a really good idea for rope play.
Safety shears usually come with a handy dandy rope kit, but if you’re buying everything separately, what you’re looking for are shears with blunted ends that can’t stab, so that you don’t need to be gentle in getting your partner out of the complex rope origami you’ve created, should they need to get down right away.
Research is also necessary to make sure that you don’t hurt your partner. Depending on where you live, there may be in-person bondage/shibari classes available in your area. Never heard of shibari? Well, in the words of Cosmo, “[it’s] a sex practice that’s a lot like bondage — but better.”
Now, if in-person stuff isn’t an option or you don’t want to involve other people in restraining your sex life, there are also copious Youtube videos available on how to tie properly and safely.
Discussion of limits is also important. Just because your partner has agreed to engage in a little bondage doesn’t necessarily mean they want to go full crotch rope right away.
Now that we’ve got some of the safety discussion out of the way, here are 8 bondage sex positions to spice up and tie- down your sex life!
1. Tied Wrists
As a simple starter, just having your partner’s wrists tied can be sexy all on its own. They can still get up and walk around (or be led around), so you can parade your partner all over the house. One fun thing can be making your partner kneel and showing them how much more in control you are. When it’s time for sexy time, even though they can’t do a whole lot on their own, your tied partner is also still fully able to participate in all the joys sex has to offer, just with a little more sexy difficulty involved.
You can still be creative with rope bondage positions, even during missionary sex. You can tie their hands behind their back, which is a little more inhibiting and might increase the sensuality of the experience for both of you. You can also incorporate the wrist tie into a harness that includes attachment points on the chest and restrains the person’s upper arms, as well. You want to be careful with your partner in a compromising position such as this, though. Your tied up playmate isn’t going to be able to do much on their own to fix things for themselves (that’s the point, after all), but if they’re in a legitimately painful, uncomfortable, or damaging position, they won’t be able to do much about it and will need adjustment or tending to.
Whoever is the dominant partner in rope play always needs to focus on the health and comfort of their bottom (the tied partner). Making sure everyone is happy and healthy is the most important part of the experience.
This one is pretty straightforward — it’s pretty much missionary with your partner’s wrists secured above their head for that yummy stuck feeling.
This position is great for beginners because it allows for a lot of lower body movement and access, letting whoever’s creating the rope experience have access to the front of their partner’s body, being able to easily pay special attention to the neck, chest, and yummy bits (whatever kinds are brought to the party). If you don’t want any extra movement, you can always pull out the ankle cuffs to make their legs very stationary, affixing them to the bed, as well!
Similar to a conquistador, the partner being penetrated is both on top and in control. First, tie your partner’s hands via ropes or wrist cuffs to some handy dandy in-bed restraint system, or to the bed frame or headboard. Then bounce, grind, and tease your partner to your heart's content. With how hot you look on top of them, they’re definitely going to want to touch you, but look — they can’t!
While it’s hard to choose the best sex position, this one is really great. It’s like doggy style with a little more submission, and, in this case, a little more rope excitement.
Position-wise, the receiving partner is on a (hopefully comfy) surface, resting on their knees with their chest and perhaps head on said surface (use a bed, people!). Hands can be easily affixed to attachment points that you’ve pre-planned, and if you want to get extra exciting, maybe there’s some sort of fancy pulley mechanism to make it so that your lovely tied pal knows just who is (consensually) in control.
The dominant partner can be on the bed as well, but if you want a bit of extra thrust, leverage, and deep penetration, try leapfrog where one partner is standing off the bed. Don’t use slippy floors with slippy socks, though; the magic of that extra thrust will be lost to power-less hip bobs and the need to constantly be stepping forward a little. Humorous, yes. Sexy? Less so.
5. Rear entry standing
This position might not be right for every partnership simply because of body size. If one of you is taller and your hips don’t quite align, it can be difficult.
That said, this can be an exciting position due to the urgency of having standing sex, and of course, it can also be great for anal sex, making this functional for both straight and gay bondage positions. To make things even hotter, you could even incorporate butt plugs and/or some other exciting anal sex toys. Read up on butt plug sizes first to keep everyone comfortable and feeling great.
6. Pinball wizard
If you’re receiving both the rope bondage and the penetration in this one (the submissive partner in this context), your partner restrains your wrists to the bed either above and behind your head to the headboard or splayed out to either side (it’s really up to your choice here). Then you wrap your legs around them in a glute-bridge position, and tilt your pelvis forward. The penetrating partner puts their hands on either side of your hips, holding on, giving this position that pinball-controlls look.
This position is great because with you can use those powerful thighs to pull and squeeze your partner into you, letting you know with hip action and muscle tension just how much you’re into the sex you’re having right now.
7. Tied to a chair
This one is always fun and exciting, and gives lots of access as a functional oral sex position. Basically, you’ve got one partner tied and the other standing, which leaves the tied partner very affixed and very exposed for all sorts of fun teasing, tantalizing, and erotic play with all the senses — and maybe (hopefully) even some clitoral stimulation from oral and sex toys.
Also referred to as the hog tie, this is a type of tie where one person’s arms are bound behind their back, and their feet are also bound together, with a rope connecting the two. You’ve got to have some serious trust to do this one because, ooh boy, you’re not gonna be able to get out of it.
This position leaves one partner in a very submissive state. It’s also an easy position within which the submissive partner can provide some oral sex (with literally only their mouth and maybe some neck bobbing), or just have their mouth used if that’s the type of kinky sex and bondage play you’re into right now.
Why being tied up is awesome
If you’re not yet sold on the possibility of being tied up (and of course, perhaps you’re more interested in tying someone else up, and that’s fine), it’s good to hear from people who enjoy it about why they do.
A bondage expert wanted to know why people loved being tied up, so he asked a bunch of folks who are really into it.. Here were some of the responses:
- “I like having something to struggle against… once I’m tied up I can fight against the rope, but I can’t get far. It’s very primal.”
- “I love the feeling of the rope… the way it feels against my skin, the texture, the way it binds me tight in different ways, the way it smells.”
- “I get caught up in the fantasy of being helpless… it’s so hot knowing that someone wants me so badly that they’ve tied me up so that I can’t escape, that they HAVE to have me… and I can’t do anything about it.”
- “I love trying to escape – I love working out ways to slip out of the rope and untie it. It’s like a game between me and my top.”
- “Being tied up makes me feel more connected to him…”
And the final one, which incorporates the spiritual element that a lot of people describe when it comes to high-quality tied-up experiences:
- “Being tied up gives me freedom from the world.”
Freedom from the world and an orgasm? Yes, please.