As with any sexually related question about whether certain people like a particular sexual behavior or act, the answer is yes. Or no. Or yes, but only under certain circumstances. When it comes to sex, sexuality and, sexual preferences, there are no hard-and-fast rules - other than consent and safety, of course! That said, ‘do women like anal sex?’ is a question that’s been searched a LOT on Google, so we’re going to talk about it!
First off, anal stimulation (including butt sex) has had a pretty taboo connotation in western culture for a long time. It was so stigmatized, in fact, that it was illegal in many places for years — an occurrence closely tied to unfair and completely untrue homophobic beliefs and “standards.”
Butt, times are changing! Nowadays, for example, women are more likely than ever to have had anal intercourse at some point. In fact, studies suggest that a young woman aged 20-24 has close to a 40% probability of having had anal sex already.
If you’re just diving into the world of anal and are looking for an anal sex guide for beginners, or are wondering things like “is anal sex safe?” or how to prepare for anal sex, read our linked blogs!
How to make it pleasurable
When it comes to all things booty, trust is a must. If you don’t trust your partner, that ass ain’t gonna relax. And the only way to fully enjoy anal sex is to be fully relaxed.
The fact is, there are so many things that can go wrong with anal, from diet and fecal matter, to social stigma and sexual shaming, that having the right partner (if you’re wanting partnered sex) is critical when it comes to enjoying getting up in there together.
Basically, making anal sex pleasurable is all about taking your time, making sure you’ve prepped well, and allowing for total relaxation. Once you are ready and doing it well, though? It can be unforgettable.
In one woman’s words, “When done right – and by right I mean when the guy doesn’t shove his d*ck into you like a horse in heat – anal can teeter on that dangerous line between pleasure and pain. He feels bigger than ever and completely fills you up. As he’s going in, you have to hold your breath because you feel like your body doesn’t have room for air and his d*ck at the same time, but once he’s in, the pleasure radiates through your whole body.”
What is an anal orgasm?
Speaking of pleasure radiating through your whole body, yes, anal orgasms are quite real. There are all sorts of fun, delicious nerve endings available to be stroked, prodded, and vibrated down there.
Since the membrane that separates the vagina and rectum is fairly thin, anal stimulation gets at some of the same parts vaginal intercourse does. In fact, for some people, it feels even better, because that extra layer prevents the G-spot from being touched too intensely. And for those with prostates, anal penetration is one of the best ways to feel extreme pleasure. P-spot orgasm, anyone?
Can women have anal orgasms?
As you navigate some of the remaining stigmas around anal sex, you’ve probably heard related stories that say that anal penetration is uncomfortable, painful, degrading, and vulnerable. Depending on the bond between you and your booty partner, anal sex can be either trust-building and pleasurable, or demeaning and terrible. But the fact remains that anal sex can be very pleasurable for women if you’re relaxed, curious, and with a trusted partner. And yes, women can have anal orgasms.
When clitoral stimulation in happening in conjunction with anal stimulation, women can even have incredible blended orgasms. Speaking of blended orgasms, now is a great time to plug (so to speak!) a full-coverage stimulation favorite - the beloved rabbit vibrator. Some rabbits even come with an anal teaser to provide you or your partner with clitoral, vaginal, and anal stimulation all at the same time. O holy night!
And what does an anal orgasm actually feel like? One woman describes them as “more intense than a vaginal orgasm. It’s like a wave that makes my hips completely disappear; it’s like my legs aren’t connected to my body in that moment. It’s also awkward to relax into because it also feels like you have to pee and poop simultaneously. Sort of a ‘Let go and let God’ moment.”
In another’s words, “It’s a slow but pleasantly luxurious sensation of being gently and benignly pulled inside out. It certainly was extremely erotic, and I felt aware of my entire body as an erogenous zone. I discovered I was able to orgasm via anal penetration, and anal play is something I enjoy to this day.”
Want to learn more about how to have an anal orgasm? Read our linked guide!
How to begin
A great place to start exploring anal pleasure is by flying solo. It’s always good to know your own limits, desires, and hot buttons, so you can properly advocate for yourself during partnered sex. Open communication is a must in sex already, and even more so during anal sex due to its potential to cause pain and harm if done incorrectly.
Full anal penetration doesn’t have to be the goal, either. Stimulating the anal sphincter can be pleasurable in its own right, and sex toys like anal beads or butt plugs offer plenty of enjoyable sensations, without the need to expand to the size of something larger. There are a multitude of anal sex toys to choose from depending on the sensations you’re looking for, so don’t be afraid to try out more than one style!
Now, let’s talk butt plugs. Butt plugs are a great way to get started in the world of butt stuff, and some come in sets (also called anal trainer sets) with different sizes to choose from. This helps you get used to the sensation of having something all up in that rectum in an enjoyable and graduated way.
If you’re interested in having anal sex, it’s worth finding something that both makes you feel sexy and helps you to understand and enjoy this new pleasure avenue. “The key to good anal – yes, that’s a thing – is having a partner you trust completely and who will do it right,” says Tess N. in an interview for Men’s Health. “That means lots of lube, start small with a pinky finger just like in Fifty Shades, then work your way up to small toys or butt plugs. After that, anal can be amazing!”
Don’t Forget Lube!
Proper application of lube is a requirement for anal sex, and picking the right one that works for you is a personal choice. There are tons of options, though you do want to make sure to choose a lube that doesn’t negatively affect your anal toys or barriers (i.e. condoms). For example, if you’re using latex condoms, don’t use oil-based lubes; and if you’re playing with silicone toys, don’t use silicone-based lubes. Water-based lubes tend to be safe all around.
Not all lubes are the same, either. Some are more viscous, some of them are thinner, and the way they feel up there can vary widely. You’ll have to try them out to figure out which one you like the best. You might be surprised to find that you prefer a different kind of lube for anal vs. vaginal sex. Side note: sex toy materials and lube can also have their own sliding/gripping interactions, so if you’re using toys, be sure to find a lube that slides well with both your toy and your anal cavity.
If you’re starting out solo, a good place to begin is to grab your lube of choice (coconut oil works well, and is also anti-bacterial), put some on your fingers and find a comfortable position from which to touch your own sphincter on the outside. Get comfortable with that sensation, then try slowly increasing the pressure until you find out how much is needed for it to start to give way and let your finger inside. That's the amount of pressure you're going to want to begin with when trying to get more fingers, toys, or other objects up in there.
At this point, if you've been exploring yourself, you may have some lube on your fingers, a toy, the outside of your sphincter, and up inside a tiny bit. But there's not really any lube up inside the anal cavity, and if you're going to explore more you need to fix that. Some people apply lube to a toy or cock-shaped object and slowly push in a little farther to get lube in that spot. Doing that a couple of times, or many times, is a good way to get more of the anal area lubed up.
Another option is a lube applicator, which is a small tube with a rubber plunger. When the plunger is pressed down, lube comes out of the opening. Insert that opening up inside you, and use the plunger to apply lube directly into your body.
It can be a lot more pleasant of a sensation if you warm your lube up beforehand. Using a lube applicator, or fingers, or putting lube on a toy while the lube is cold can be an off-putting sensation if it's not intentional, and might knock you out of your happy zone. (Playing with hot and cold sensations can be fun in its own right, but that's a topic for another time.)
Anything else important to know?
Yep — safety. Basically, all humans can enjoy anal sex, but unless you know your partner(s) sexual health practices you may be opening yourself up to a slew of problems and infections. For example, anal sex can include analingus (the fancy word for rimming), which can feel amazing but also comes with some amount of risk. Oral sex and butts can be fun, but bear in mind that a whole lot of bacteria that might not mix well is down there, such as E. Coli. It’s especially important that everyone involved is as clean as possible before any face/booty action commences.
Receptive anal sex can also be riskier than vaginal sex, especially if you’re partaking in unprotected anal intercourse. Vaginal intercourse is a “design feature” of the vagina — not so with butt stuff and anal play. Basically, there’s less protection in the anus, and it’s not self-lubricating, so the chance of tearing or anal fissures are higher. And according to sex research from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), anal sex is the riskiest sexual activity when it comes to HIV infection, especially for the person being penetrated.
Finally, emotionally, anal sex in particular can be a vulnerable experience for the receiver. Again, it’s paramount that whoever you’re having anal sex with is looking out for your health, safety, and pleasure. Or, as Tess N. puts it, “This is not an act that should ever be undertaken with a random dude or at a random moment; you both have to want it, and you both have to be prepared. No assholes allowed in the asshole!”
On the other hand, that need for emotional connection, close communication, and your partner deeply listening to you can also lead to the best sex ever. “It is super intense,” says Tess,” and your lover has to be extremely delicate and careful and be a good listener and super patient — and you as the receiver have to have a lot of trust in that … I think that’s one of the best parts of the whole ordeal. It takes so much time, trust, and communication that it just amplifies everything physical going on because you are so connected with your partner.”