Casual sex is great since you can satisfy your needs without the responsibilities of a relationship. It can be an opportunity to discover yourself sexually, finding out your greatest likes and most obnoxious dislikes. Still, there are a few setbacks and other issues that might make having sex with no strings attached less than ideal for your circumstances.
If you’re having some hesitation on how to go about having casual sex, no fear. We’ve covered some strategies that’ll take you from finding your hookup to leaving gracefully after the deed is done. We’ve even covered a bit of safety tips (and we’re not just talking condoms).
What’s Considered Casual?
Casual sex is a little bit different than what you might think. Having casual sex doesn’t mean having sex with other people while you’re already in a committed relationship (whether dating or married). That is actually considered having an open relationship where consensual or cheating where nonconsensual. Inversely, casual sex is where you have sex with whoever you want without being in a relationship of any form. You are a free agent.
Casual sex can also get confused with “friends with benefits” and for good reasons. You can have casual sex with the same person more than once. You can also consider yourself friends with the person you’re hooking up with. The difference comes in where most of your relationship lies. If your activities consist more of sex than nonsexual activities, like going to the movies or meeting up for lunch, than you could consider it more on the casual side.
Casual Sex – Gimme the Good Stuff!
You don’t need to have a relationship in any way shape or form to get the health benefits associated with sex! That means as long as you are getting some, you’ll get the same physical benefits as you would when having sex with a committed partner. The downside of casual sex is that you can also experience the negative health aspects, like STIs and unplanned pregnancy. Make sure to read through the safety precautions we’ve outlined below for more on that.
Casual sex can also be a way to try new things. There are too many flavors of ice cream in the world to stick to plain vanilla, am I right? All jokes aside, if you’re looking to understand your body better, sex without the relationship status can give you the chance to find out your favorite sex positions and what foreplay moves will take you directly to you goal – the big O!
Casual Sex – What You Really Need to Know
Now that we’ve covered more of the positive side of casual sex, it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty. We wouldn’t say that the following aspects are negatives, just more along the lines of a disclaimer. Even though you’re not in a relationship, you still need to know where to set your personal boundaries. That way you can experience a healthy sex life while safeguarding your mental health and relationship goals.
Let’s talk about consent! Even though you may never see so-and-so from your favorite dating app again, you still need to talk with them before you have sex. You need to make sure that you’re setting the expectations straight that you’re not interested in a relationship and whether it’s okay or not to contact you again afterwards. Clearly outline anything that is off-limits during your interaction while you’re at it.
Another thing to know about casual sex is the possibility of catching feelings, as the teens say these days. Even though you set out to keep things spontaneous and free, you might just meet someone you want to have more than just sex with. You just need to know where you draw your personal line between “Wow, that sex was amazing,” versus, “Wow, I want to marry you.” Joking, don’t jump straight to marriage because statistics on that aren’t great. But there’s no harm in moving onto a friends with benefits or open relationship situation to lock things down a little more.
Casual Sex Strategies
Now that we’ve given you the 411 on casual sex, we’re gonna give you some info on how to make it happen. From where to find your next sexual encounter and where to get busy to what you should have to be inclusive to everyone you hook up with.
Places to find hookups
Traditionally, bars and dance clubs are the best in-person place to find someone to have casual sex with. Not just any location will do though. You should pick a location more geared to your interests. Also, ask friends and coworkers if you’re unfamiliar with the area or local venues. You might consider going a bit outside of your town if you live somewhere small, unless you don’t mind running into people you know.
You don’t have to go to a nightclub to get your freak on. You can meet the right person anywhere, so be spontaneous! Don’t be afraid to flirt wherever you are, be it the grocery store or at the DMV. You never know! That hot barista might totally be into your corny jokes enough to want to go home with you. If an in-person rendezvous isn’t your thing, you could look to dating apps and websites. We won’t go into specifics on those, but we’ve heard great things about AdultFriendFinder and Tinder.
What to Have on Hand
When you’re having casual sex, one of the most important things you can have is protection. If you haven’t already, get on a birth control that works for you and get yourself a box of condoms. We’ll cover that more below. Next to condoms, you should also consider having a choice of lubes available. With no way to know what kind of fun you’ll get into, you should choose something without fragrances or harsh chemicals to avoid any allergic reactions.
Let’s talk sex toys! While you might not want to whip something out during a first encounter in a heterosexual pairing, those in other situations will have to have some vibes and/or dildos at the ready. Whatever you're into, you should have the necessary goods at your disposal. If you’re stumped on what you want, take a stroll through PinkCherry’s website for inspiration to cover all your sex toy needs.
Your Place or Mine (or Neither)
You found your hookup, and you’ve got everything you need. Now what? Well, you’ve got to figure out where to go. We’ll cover more about safety precautions below, but hotels make a great place if you feel uncomfortable going to their house or bringing them back to yours. You have to be a little careful about getting caught, but public spaces can also be a steamy way to get your casual sex in.
A Note on How to Leave (or Get Them to Leave)
If you go to their house, make sure it’s okay to stay until the next morning if that’s your intent. I always think of the scene in Shrek where Donkey is totally not getting it and offers to make waffles for breakfast. So, seriously don’t be Donkey and assume your fling wants anything more than a wham bam, thank you ma’am.
How you leave is really up to you. If you’re ready to go right afterward, say a polite goodbye and head on your merry way. If you’d rather cuddle a bit after, you can stay until they fall asleep and sneak out. ...But that’s kind of rude. Leaving a number or a nice note might be more your style. If it’s okay with them, you can stay the night and leave the next morning (or maybe never if this hookup ends up meaning more).
If you’re at your own place and want the other party(ies) to leave, a sweet, “That was great, we should do it again some time,” or, “Thanks so much, I needed that. Can I call you a cab,” are great ways to drop the hint that the exchange is over.
Safety Precautions for Casual Sex
You didn’t really think you’d get away without a little talk on safety, did you? Sorry, but it has to be said. Casual sex can come with some dangerous situations. You should always let someone you trust know where you will be. If they don’t hear from you by a certain point, they should find help. While stranger danger isn’t always an issue with casual sex, you should never presume someone you don’t know very well has good intentions..
You also need to make sure you protect your body. Don’t leave the condoms up to the other person. You should always have condoms on hand whether you have a penis or a vagina. Even if you are protecting yourself with birth control, oral contraceptives, implants, and the like will not protect you from STIs. If your hookup refuses to wear a condom, they’re probably not the safest person to have casual sex with. There is really no excuse to not wear one when there are choices to fit everyone’s sizes and needs. PinkCherry has tons of choices in condoms to make sure you’re always covered.