Prostate stimulation, also known as prostate milking, is an almost surefire way to guarantee and incredible, ground-shaking, mind-blowing orgasm. But the prostate gland is often neglected in sexual settings, with many preferring tried-and-true penetration or external stimulation. This may be because many are a bit more unfamiliar with the prostate — where it is, what it does, and how to stimulate it — than they are with other erogenous zones, like the penis, anus, and vagina. But as luck would have it, we’re here to tell you everything you need to know about the prostate, from the medical nitty-gritty to how you can stimulate it — either yours or a partner’s — to incredible orgasmic effect. Read on!
What is the prostate?
The prostate gland, which is found in cisgender men and people who are assigned male at birth, is a small, muscular gland that produces seminal fluid — or, more specifically, it produces something known as prostate-specific antigen, which liquefies semen after ejaculation. It’s about the size of a walnut, wraps around the urethra, and is located between the bladder and the penis, just in front of the rectum. The prostate is surrounded by nerve endings — almost as many as the clitoris! — which is why stimulating the prostate can feel intense, and incredible — it is often called “the male G-spot” for a reason.
How do you find the prostate?
You can find the prostate one of two ways: internally, through the anus, or externally, via the perineum (which is the area of skin between the scrotum and the anus).
To find the prostate internally, insert your fingers into the rectum, and push slightly towards the front wall of the rectum. You may also find it easy to find the prostate by curling your fingers up towards the bellybutton. The prostate often becomes swollen during arousal, so finding it may be easier if you (or your partner) is a bit turned-on. It will feel like a small bulb, distinct from the rest of the tissue inside the rectum.
To find the prostate externally, press gently on the back of the perineum. It may be difficult for you to feel the actual gland, but putting pressure on the prostate might make your partner (or you) feel a little bit like you have to pee. That’s actually a sign that you’re in the right spot!
What is prostate milking?
Prostate milking, or prostate stimulation, is the act of massaging the prostate for pleasure. This can be done with a finger (or fingers), a prostate massager, vibrator or other sex toy ideal for penetration, or with a penis. Prostate stimulation can be enjoyed by all cisgender men and people who are assigned male at birth, regardless of sexual orientation; unfortunately, there is still a prevailing stigma among many folks that engaging in anal sex and stimulation — including prostate stimulation — is just for gay men. This is a myth — anyone who has a prostate can benefit from prostate stimulation. (Similarly, anyone who has a butt can enjoy anal play, but that’s a different article for a different day.)
In fact, not only is prostate milking hugely pleasurable, it can actually be good for you: according to The Open Journal of Urology and Nephrology, prostate milking can help relieve symptoms of chronic prostatitis (prostate swelling) and chronic pelvic pain. Studies have also shown that prostate stimulation can also improve erectile dysfunction, improve urine flow, and alleviate painful ejaculation.
Can you have an orgasm from prostate stimulation?
Short answer: yes, you can. Long answer: while you can, you might not be able to. Prostate orgasms are often described as more intense than penile orgasms, but not everyone can have one — while the different, new, novel form of stimulation might be more exciting for some, others might take a little while to get used to prostate stimulation, which may mean there’s difficulty having an orgasm. This is especially true of men and people assigned male at birth who are new to anal stimulation overall. Not to worry: go slow, try not to feel any pressure or stress, and keep in mind that you can always try again if things don’t come to a climax your first time.
Why are prostate orgasms so intense?
If you are — or your partner is — able to have an orgasm from prostate stimulation, get ready for fireworks. Orgasms resulting from prostate milking can be more intense and pleasurable than penile orgasms. These orgasms might start off small and mild, but with practise, they can come to feel like full-body sensations. Some sex researchers compare prostate orgasms to G-spot orgasms in people with a vulva, and penile orgasms to external clitoral orgasms.
The intensity of prostate orgasms comes from the placement of the prostate, as well as the thousands of nerve endings that surround it. Some might also find the sensation more intense because it’s new, novel, and exciting — sometimes, the titillation of trying something new is enough to provide a pleasure-boost.
Some people report having prostate orgasms that are a stream of fast, continuous orgasms. You or your partner may ejaculate during a prostate orgasm, or may release a small amount of fluid from the urethra instead.
How can I give myself — or my partner — a prostate massage?
Milking you or your partner’s prostate may take a little practise, but once you’ve figured it out, it may become a regular part of your bedroom play. Here are some tips and tricks to use:
1. Start slow
As with all anal play, it’s best to start small and slow. If you’re unsure about internally stimulating the prostate, start with external stimulation: press and rub against the perineum until you or your partner feel a little bit like you (or they) have to pee — that’s a sign you’ve hit the right spot. Once you’re there, use gentle pressure and massaging motions with one or more fingers to stimulate the prostate externally. Pay attention to what feels good, and what doesn’t — you or your partner may like a lot of deep pressure, or a lighter touch. Once you’ve settled on the type of touch that feels the most intense, keep going.
The same type of technique should be used with your fingers or with a prostate massager: once you’ve hit the prostate — which will feel like a small bulb inside the rectum’s front wall — experiment with different types of pressure and different massage rhythms, then keep doing what feels good.
2. Lube up
If you’re planning on internal prostate stimulation, there’s basically no such thing as too much lube. Apply a generous amount to your fingers or whatever type of toy you’re using and, again, go very, very slowly. Gradually penetrating your or your partner’s anus is one of the key ways to ensure the experience is pleasurable, and not uncomfortable or painful in any way.
One additional key tip here: if you’re planning on prostate milking with your fingers, trim your nails very short, or consider wearing gloves. This will ensure your nails don’t damage the delicate tissues inside the rectum while you’re massaging you or your partner’s prostate. If you’re not using a glove, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly.
3. Empty out
Yes, we’re talking about bathroom business. Because prostate stimulation can make you feel like you have to pee, it’s best to get that out of the way ahead of time. And, because prostate massage can involve anal penetration, you may want to make sure you’ve emptied your bowels before you hop in the sack. Some people prefer to use an enema before they engage in anal sex, but this isn’t necessary. Just make sure you wipe and wash well — you might want to take a shower or use a bidet, if you have one, first.
4. Foreplay is your friend
Because some first-timers may be nervous or anxious before a prostate massage, it might help to set the mood first. If you’re stimulating solo, try masturbating as usual before stimulating your prostate either internally or externally; if you’re having partnered sex, a steamy makeout session and some external stimulation (think: nipple play, penile stimulation, oral sex) might help loosen things up.
5. Double down
Adding external stimulation — whether that means playing with your partner’s penis or clit while you stimulate their prostate, stimulating their nipples or other erogenous zones, or doing the same to yourself — will only ramp up the pleasure, and may help you or them have an orgasm. Of course, if you’ve had a bit of practise at prostate stimulation, you might want to try having an orgasm from prostate massage alone. All the power to you! Get ready for wall-shaking, window-rattling, full-body ecstasy.
6. Experiment with positioning
Here, we don’t mean the positioning of your fingers or toys (though, as we’ve mentioned, you’ll have to do that too). Different positions will make it easy for you or your partner to reach your prostate gland. Try lying down on your stomach or your back, or on all fours; if one of these doesn’t work — if it’s difficult for you or your partner to reach your prostate — switch it up! And don’t just experiment with different positions: try lifting your legs up if you’re on your back, or going down on your forearms, rather than your hands, if you’re on all fours. It might take some trying, but once you figure out what works, you’ll be grateful that you put in the effort.
