I was born in ‘82, so technically, I am a *cringe* Millennial. Just kidding about the cringe - mostly. But wait! According to various websites, I’m also an ‘Xennial’. I was born at the verrrrrry beginning of the Millennial generation (1980-1994), so I fit into an oddly specific late 70’s/early 80’s sub-category defined mostly by the existence of the internet. My childhood and early teens were fully analog (the Walkman, Atari, Zack Morris) and my later teens and adulthood was / is predominantly online. Categories are confusing. Anyone got a pie chart?
Casually categorizing, labeling and separating people by the time-frame in which they happened to be born is a relatively new phenomenon. Key word: casually. Demographers, historians, sociologists and marketing experts use classification titles like ‘Baby Boomer’, ‘The Silent Generation’ and the current ‘Gen Z’ to reference about 20 years of cultural identifiers, attitudes, and events in history that may or may not have influenced a particular age group. And that makes sense! Studying the effects of, say, a large-scale war on the people and societies that lived through it is important. But here’s the thing: most of us are not sociologists, historians or demographers. Marketers? Yeah, okay, that one’s more likely.
So anyway, my point is that humans love labeling stuff, and that label-love extends to people, too. Hey, life is confusing! It makes sense that we crave organization and categorization. Of course, there are bound to be problems with stacking people, their individual morals, experiences and reactions to life into tidy little boxes. Let’s take the case of ‘OK Boomer’. If you haven’t come across this example of unfriendly generational relations, it’s a snide, dismissive response to a thought or opinion that comes from someone perceived as older, outdated or irrelevant. Personally, I think it’s rude (even if deserved), but then again, I’m a grumpy old Xennial. Get off my lawn etc.
Speaking of the so-called Boomers, here’s the story. We’re glossing over a lot here, but to sum up, after World War II, during which a majority of couples were separated (many men were fighting), there was a spike in marriage rates. People wanted to start the families they’d been postponing during the war and the Great Depression that preceded it. Plus, the economy was better, so children could be afforded. Re-united couples + more sex + financial security = a baby boom. You could say that being born after a period of unrest, separation and financial insecurity at least somewhat defined the Boomer generation. Sound familiar?
The generation to come after the-virus-that-shall-not-be-named, is, of course, still a mystery. Just a glimmer in some randy, home-bound couple’s eye, if you will. Speaking of randy, we can hypothesize one thing about the post-quarantine generation: it could be a big one!
Based on the sales numbers we’ve been seeing over the last month or so, we know that when people are stuck inside, they will have sex, sometimes / a lot of the time with sex toys. That sex might be with the partner they’re staying inside with, or with themselves (rock on, self lovers!). When said sex happens between two people with complementing and operational baby-making parts...you can probably see where this is going.
If a large number of babies are born as a result of their parents being holed up (that was an unintentional pun, but I’m keeping it) together, those babies will become teens at approximately the same time. Hence, the Quaranteens!
Okay, enough about baby-making, except to say that a) if you and your partner are, in fact, trying to conceive, best of luck and b) if you’d like to avoid giving birth to a future Quaranteen of your own, we have condoms!
The best case scenario right now, sex-wise, would obviously be quarantining (I did not know that was a word until just now) or being housebound with someone you like to have sex with. I’m lucky enough to be included in that category, and I’m also lucky that a relatively new shared living situation with my partner is going well. I figure, if a couple can get through this, they can pretty much weather any storm, viral or otherwise.
That said, I’ve been thinking a lot about couples who aren’t so lucky. If this mess had taken place less than a year ago, I wouldn't be able to see, hug, kiss, or undress my partner in person. We’d have to resort to some pretty creative tactics, lots of screen time, and maybe / probably some toys and tools that could help us connect. I put myself in my alternate universe shoes, and picked out some of the togetherness accoutrements we would likely try.
Sex Toys That Make Staying Apart A Little Easier
OhMiBod’s blueMotion NEX1 2nd Generation was an obvious choice. Seriously, I’d snap it up immediately. For one, this tiny silicone vibe is incredibly versatile. It can be worn under your / their clothes tucked into an included pair of blue lace undies, or you can simply hold it in your hand. Here’s the real beauty of the Nex1, though - you or your partner can control it over Wifi from anywhere in the world. Once you’ve each downloaded the OhMiBod Remote App and connected, you’ll have access to in-app chats, photo sessions and that long-distance control option we mentioned.
If you and your partner are fans of phone sex (and if you weren’t before, you probably are, now!), a vibe like the Vive Minu Lay On Vibe could be just the thing to zhuzh up a steamy phone session. These days, speaker phones are an option for a lot of us, but if you’re the type who likes to keep their device up close and personal when chatting, you’ll want a vibe that’s lightweight and easy to maneuver using just one hand. The Vive fits that bill, plus, it was designed to literally ‘lay on’, if you’d prefer. Just position the silky silicone shape under your body and voila! Your hands are now free to engage in other sexy doings.
We-Vibe has long been a go-to brand when it comes to sex toys for couples, so we need to mention at least one We-Vibe in any conversation about creative couple connectivity. This one, by the way, is for fans of butt play. The Ditto Vibrating Silicone Plug is not only super sexy, super silky and ready to please in just about any situation (and in any body), but it’s also able to be controlled by a partner who may or may not be present. Download the We-Connect app to play together using remote activation and custom vibe modes, a secure chat space, photo-sharing and more.
Creativity really is the name of the game when it comes to keeping things sexy while apart. Luckily, sexual creativity is never a bad thing. Send your partner the link to our Sex Toys For Couples section, and browse together for some inspiration.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. We’re going to go ahead and assume that saying holds true for your sexy bits, too.
Sex Toys That Make Staying In More Fun
If you are lucky enough to be stuck inside together, you’ve probably been making some sexy use of your time. That’s what we like to hear! Now, in a perfect world, sex would never, ever be boring or uninspired. If our current situation has taught us anything, though, it’s that we do not live in a perfect world. So, if you’re feeling like it might be time to experiment a little, there’s no time like the present. Literally. What else are you doing?
Our very own Under The Bed Restraints were specifically designed for experimentation, and if the glowing reviews (one of them is mine, fyi) are anything to go by, they have been a very, very successful experiment for many couples. Letting you play the way you want to play from the comfort of your own bed, these simple, super soft restraints fit under any sized mattress. The included cuffs clip to 4 fully adjustable tether straps, but they can also be used separately. Although you probably won't be travelling with it at the moment, the Under The Bed set folds up easily for a quick getaway. Hey, it’s something to look forward to!
Again, the only place you’ll likely be travelling right now is to a different part of your home, but that can be fun, too! PinkCherry On a Tight Leash not only looks amazing, it feels amazing, too. The vegan-friendly material is etched in a glamorous pink. Give your partner a really good reason to follow the leader as you guide them to a chosen sexy destination.
If you’re anything like my partner and I, you’ve been spending a lot of time on the couch. Hey, if there was ever a good excuse for a little laziness, this is the time! Whether you’re watching Ozark or the chefs at the BA test kitchen cooking stuff from home, you can always make it sexier with the Lock-N-Play Remote Panty Teaser Vibe. Don’t get hung up on the title - after all, a distance is simply defined as ‘an amount of space between two things or people’. The length of a couch cushion definitely applies. This little pink silicone vibe can be slipped into a favorite pair of undies and controlled with the pink remote, but the 12 modes of vibration can also be controlled using a button on the vibe itself. Pass the remote off to your couch mate, or keep control in your very own hands. Options!
Listen friends, we’re in the midst of a situation that we’ve never experienced before, and hopefully will never experience again. We’re going to get through it, but in the meantime, let’s try to make the best of it. Love yourselves, love each other, and stay safe.
We’re going to wind up with a great joke a PinkCherry team member’s mom shared, because it ties so perfectly into the title of today’s blog.
Q: What will the babies born after COVID-19 be called?
A: Children of the Quarn.
We love you, Erin’s mom!