You’ve probably heard the expression, “only boring people get bored”, but honestly, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t get bored, ever. In most aspects of life, it’s completely normal for excitement, interest, enthusiasm and energy to ebb and flow. That being said, there's one life area where the pangs of boredom can become extremely detrimental if unchecked - your romantic relationship(s).
Most couples looking to improve their sex lives begin looking for, or thinking about ways to heat things up when that initial sexual spark begins to dim. It probably won't come as a surprise that feelings of boredom in a romantic relationship can put a real strain on the partnership. The Normal Bar did a survey finding that 71% of men and 49% of women who cheated on their partners, reported that they did so (at least in part) because they were feeling bored in their primary relationship. While romantic boredom often centers around sexual monotony, the effect that a same-old approach to sex can ripple out into other apsects of your everyday life. Feelings of emptiness, dissatisfaction with yourself and your partner, and more can make you question the future of the relationship. If you’ve found yourself feeling a bit bored or disconnected, it’s tempting to think that your relationship or your partner is the problem. Here's the thing though: you're probably going to have more success sparking things back up when you ask yourself what you can do to make things more interesting.
The good news is that you don’t have to wait to get bored before you decide to make things more interesting in the bedroom. And the great news is that using sex toys in a relationship is a sure fire way to improve both your sex life and your partnership. By combining open communication and sex toys for couples, you can keep things exciting and avoid getting into a sexual rut.
Today we're talking about the relationship benefits of sex toys, how to integrate them into your love life, and what makes a couples sex toy a true couples sex toy. Almost anything can enhance a couples erotic experience, but toys like cock rings, hands-free clitoral stimulators and remote control vibrators work very well in shared situations, because they were designed with intercourse and partner play in mind.
How Sex Toys Can Improve Your Sex Life
There are lots of ways to make sex more enjoyable for both partners, but sex toys build intimacy and are a special kind of necessary when it comes to heating things up. To be perfectly honest, all of the sweet texts and fancy lingerie fashion shows can’t deliver the same impact as a device designed to make you and/or your partner orgasm. Before you start feeling intimidated by the whole idea of using sex toys with your partner, remember they can never replace the physical and emotional highs that come with having a lover in your bed… and on your body. Having full contact, tongue kissing and hair pulling can not be replaced by even the best sex toys. Then again, all the love and great sex techniques in the world, can't provide the same type of orgasm as a sex toy. Especially a vibrator. Especially a clitoral vibrator. Especially a couples clitoral vibrator like the We-Vibe Unite 2.0 Couples. It’s a luxury sex toy designed to fit inside the vagina and fit snugly against the clitoris as the insertable part of it hugs the vaginal wall. During intercourse, a penis or dildo works to push the We-Vibe’s internal stimulation closer to the g-spot, while never breaking contact with the clitoris. For a male partner sliding in and out of his female lover, the Sync also offers a gentle vibration along the shaft of his penis. From missionary to reverse cowgirl, We-Vibe couples toys take sex to a whole new level. Many other sex toys for couples are equally pleasurable but the mechanics of the We-Vibe are a perfect example of how sex toys are not just for solo sessions.
Different Types of Orgasms
For anatomically female folks, orgasms are often categorized as either vaginal (or g-spot orgasms from penetration) or clitoral. But what more and more people are realizing is that across the gender spectrum, orgasm can result from a whole lot of different stimulation styles, and even without direct stimulation entirely. Just thinking about sex can lead to orgasm, for some folks! Often we like to imagine that we “make” our partners cum, but that’s not really accurate. When someone orgasms, it’s their body making it happen. It’s their mental and physical reaction, their rush of biochemistry…their partners are just helping to facilitate the experience. At first this news can be a hit to the ego, but soon it becomes liberating to learn that no one is 100% responsible for someone else’s orgasm.
Yes, you should be glowing with pride when you do that thing they like for a solid 15 minutes, not losing the rhythm even once and then they cum so hard, they forget their own name. Always be proud of a job well done. But let’s say you do all the same things with your hips and tongue - this time for a half hour and still no explosive climax, then what? You can still be proud of a job well done. If your partner is loving the feeling of you and tells you they are aroused, believe them. Don’t let the orgasm be the measure of how sexually compatible you are or how pleasurable the sex is.
There are a lot of different ways to orgasm and all are normal, sometimes having no orgasm at all is normal too. Hormone changes, stress levels, or having had an orgasm right before are all examples of why someone might not climax. That said, there are some sensations that cannot be mimicked by the human body and that’s okay too. In fact, it’s fantastic because that means that during partner play you can have the best of both worlds. Sex toys don’t always guarantee orgasms but they usually succeed because the stimulation is so intense, it can bypass some of more common orgasm deterants like stress or distraction. They also help with the big mental orgasm blocker mentioned earlier- boredom. Novelty and new sensations make a huge difference in keeping sex exciting.
Excitement is another key ingredient for great sex and this is where you, your partner, and your chosen sex toy come together. You get the passionate excitement and mental turn-ons from each other and the physical newness of your couple’s sex toys. Some toys can help get you more primed for orgasm or help have an initial orgasm that makes it easier to have multiples or a more intense orgasm later in your romp. Consider using a clitoral suction toy or prostate massager to prime you and/or your partner.
When you combine sex toys with your already amazing sexual partner, you open yourselves up to trembling orgasms, deep passionate kissing, and new erotic heights while trying something new together. Sex toys in relationships are not competing with you or your partner, they are enhancing the experience for one another.
It’s not just about if you use sex toys, it’s also about how you use them.
The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, hit it with a USB rechargeable vibrator and you can bet the physiological reaction will be intense to say the least. The head of the penis is also filled with nerve endings (close to 4,000). And anyone of any gender can enjoy various degrees of vibration, different patterns, and different positions. Some people prefer indirect stimulation while others want it spot on. So, just using a couples sex toy does not guarantee better sex, but as you find how you both like the toys and using them together, the combined effort makes for better sex. Using sex toys with a partner is kind of like if the best masturbation and best partner sex came together. Mind-blowing right?!
Couples sex toys do much more than just helping you or your partner to reach an orgasmic state. In fact, sex toys build intimacy long before you turn them on. One of the primary ways they do so is by opening up communication. A recent study done by We-Vibe, surveying 1,000 men and women between the ages of 35 to 55 found that improved communication was one of the most positive side effect for couples who use sex toys.
According to the study, 50% of couples using products like vibrators reported benefits of sex toys are unparalled when it comes to how those couples talk to each other. Before you even use your sex toy, you and your partner can enjoy some erotic dialogue as you decide to try a sex toy/which sex toy to try. This is enhanced even more if you make the decision to shop for toys together. With the privacy of online shopping you not only speak candidly about which items turn you on, you can even get into some hands on stimulation while you browse PinkCherry. If Netflix can inspire y’all to chill, then a little online shopping is sure to get you both super aroused.
Integrating sex toys into your sexual repertoire isn’t always as simple as buying a vibrator and turning it on. There’s talking, playing, and sexual experimentation involved. In fact sex toys build intimacy in a variety of ways.
As you use your sex toys together, you will also learn that it becomes so much easier to give your partner verbal directions about what you like more or less. You already know that you can’t take your partner’s orgasm totally personally, but when it comes to having your own, it’s very likely you might hesitate to say anything that could be interpreted as you telling them they aren’t getting that job as well done as you hoped they would. Instead, it’s important that both parties are clear that any direction on how to use your couples sex toys be interpreted for what it is, direction on what you like, and what you don’t like, not a personal slight on sexual performance.
The added bonus is that over time, the verbal communication that's inspired by sex toys makes giving any form of sexual direction much more natural. 29% of couples who use vibrators report that they have no problem telling their partners what they prefer in bed, where only 17% of couples who don’t use sex toys can say the same.
Using sex toys also helps improve communication outside the bedroom. Of the sex toy-using participants, 49% report communicating often, but only 29% of the couples who did not use sex toys said the same. The researchers did not explain if this is causational, but it is logical to assume that being able to talk openly about sex helps couples talk about most other subjects. The combination of sex and communication equates to one powerful thing- intimacy. Talking about sex and durning sex is not the same as another type of chat. Having a sexual dialogue requires trust, openness and honesty… all things that improve your intimate connection.
As mundane as things may sometimes seem, with a little creativity, we can shake off the sexy doldrums and reignite the excitement we crave. It’s not always easy to remember that it's often within our power to take a boring situation and turn it around. Especially when it comes to sexual relationships. After all, even the best relationships can lose the initial sexy fervor and give way to the ho-hum habits of daily routine. We tend to think it’s normal for passions to wane or that the reasons are beyond our control. Worst of all - we often blame our partners and believe they are the ones responsible for our sexual fervor or we shut down sexually if we start to feel like they’ve grown bored with us.
It is normal for sexual excitement to wane and for orgasms to vary, but integrating sex toys can give you and your partner a much-needed boost. They improve orgasms and communication but other changes that may be unique to the two of you and can change each time you use your sex toys can also start to evolve. Your couples sex toy may inspire you to try new positions, play different sex games, and even venture into more sexual exploring of your bodies like with anal play.
So if you’ve been feeling a bit bored in your otherwise loving relationship, it’s time to shake things up! It’s time to challenge your creative problem solving, bone up on some sexy ideas, and get some erotic couples toys. Afterall, it’s hard to feel bored when you’re happily climaxing again, and again, and again!
Get creative and have fun with sex toys for couples - explore each other’s sexual limits and you’ll discover how sex toys can strengthen your intimacy and relationship.
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