Feeling horny while your partner is away? Or maybe you want them to feel that way. Sexting is a great way to let someone know you’ve got them on your mind … or to put their mind on you. Sexting doesn’t hold any magical powers but enticing someone with your words is a whole new kind of steamy (or raunchy) romance. The thought of getting caught while reading something that is “for your eyes only (FYEO)” or “not safe for work (NSFW)” brings a whole new meaning to the term “guilty pleasure.” Maybe that’s why half of all adults report sexting at least once in their life with many sexting on a regular basis.
But before you go texting your lover eggplant emojis, you should consider a few things first. Do a little research to discover your style and learn a little about your approach. There are also a few tips we think might help you prevent any oopsies or negative consequences in general. No sexting snafus for you!
Do Some Research for Sexting
Not sure where to start? You can get a ton of ideas from reading erotica or romance stories. Those writers have built their entire careers on using words to excite their readers, so take a page or two from the pros. It’s said of almost every genre that the more you read, the better you will write. Why not apply that principle to sexting? You’ll learn new terms for your naughty bits and sexual acts that you may have never heard or seen before. You’ll also get to see the way adjectives and adverbs can spice up a bland sentence. The nuance between thrust and glide will mean the difference in rough sex versus passionately taking things slow. It might take time and practice to figure out your wordings, but the payoff is well worth the investment.
The Build-Up: Timing is Everything
Like eating a super cold ice cream cone on a hot summer day, your timing must be respected. Eat your ice cream too quickly, and it might give you a brain freeze. Likewise, you don’t want to send several messages back to back. Give your reader time to process and respond. Eat it too slowly, and it may turn into a melted sticky mess. Similarly, you don’t want to leave too much time between your sext messages. The recipient may lose interest if you’re only sending one message per hour.
Don’t run through the process too quickly. While you can probably sum up the whole course of making love to your partner through one or two sexts (and there’s nothing wrong with that, if that’s your style), it will be more exciting to get small points line by line. You’ll build more tension and create more arousal by teasing out the tiny details. Create anticipation. You can slow things down by being vague in some sense. Asking questions is also a way to include your partner’s ideas. For instance, instead of saying, “I want you to eat me out,” you could say a combination of the following lines:
“I want you to lick me.”
“Tickle me with the tips of your taste buds.”
“Nibble my flesh.”
“Sip my sweet juices.”
“Do you know where I want you to lick me?”
“Do you want to suck on me somewhere?”
“What do you want to lick?”
Less is More
What you decide to talk about in your sexts is up to you. You can describe your favorite sex positions, or how you like to use your favorite sex toy, describe parts of your body, or even send a seductive snapshot. Be as fun and flirty as you want or go straight for the kill. Still, you need to make sure that what you’re texting wouldn’t embarrass you if someone else saw it.
To prevent revenge porn featuring yourself from traversing the interwebs, you should not show any part of your body nude with your face or other identifying features in the shot. This means, covering any tattoos or hiding a unique manicure or hairstyle. You should also try not to let your own items be in the picture. For instance, if you have a purple couch or a photo with your kids in the background you could be discovered. Instead, solid colored sheets make a seductive background. If you must have your face in the shot or a tattoo, only show some skin. Try some sexy lingerie to cover your private areas for some alluring photos.
Still Stuck: Extra Tips and Ways to Start Sexting
- Be considerate of your sexting recipient’s location and schedule. If they are driving, sending a hot and steamy picture or tantalizing text message can distract them from the road. If they’re in the middle of giving a presentation at work (hopefully they have their phone put away, but if not) they might bomb the entire speech due to getting all hot and bothered.
- Don’t send your partner mixed signals. If you say you want them to do something to you, expect them to try it in person. For example, if you tell them you want them to tie you up but would never do that for real, it could be a traumatic experience for you or a tease for them.
Sexting Ideas to Break the Ice
- Send a suggestive picture randomly
- Let them know how horny you are
- Ask dirty questions and for opinions
- Recount a previous sexual experience you’ve shared
- Remind your partner of what you think is sexy about them
- Describe one of your sex fantasies
- Talk about what you have on (or what you don’t)
- Let them know what you would do to them if you were together
- Explain what you’d want them to do to you
Remember that sexting might not be for everyone. If you don’t feel comfortable, you can take things slow or skip sexting altogether. If you send a sexy text to your lover, and they don’t respond the way you’d hoped, don’t take offense. They might need some time to warm up, or it might not be their thing. Don’t let feelings of self-consciousness get you tongue-tied (or thumb-tied in this case). With a little time and practice, sexting can be a valuable addition to improving the health of your sex life.