Regardless of your sexual orientation or gender, all partnerships can get behind a little strap-on action. A favorite adult sex toy for folks with a vulva, penis-owners have also increasingly been getting in on this trend. ;)
One of the big perks of strap-on sex is that, provided you own a compatible harness, strap-ons are extremely versatile. Generally speaking, you’ll be able to connect many shapes and sizes of strap-on and harness compatible dildos and other penetrator paraphernalia to your strappy device.
If you weren’t born with a cock, or yours doesn’t work quite the way you want it to, a strap-on is also a handy way to sidestep the need to be large, in charge, and erect all the time. As an added bonus, if you’re not siphoning your blood away from your brain into a penis, you might make better decisions while in a sexy crazed horny stupor (but the jury is still out on that one).
How to use a strap on: a brief refresher
There are lots of different types of strap-ons: strapped or strapless; full of bizzy-buzzy sex motors and trinkets, or tried and true plain old firm and ready to rock. Regardless, the goal of a strap-on is the same: To provide a sexual pleasure-inducing, penetrative sex toy for you and your partner’s mutual enjoyment and delight.
If you're new to strap-on-based sex and you’ve acquired the straps and harness version of strap-on, be sure to get acquainted with how your particular harness attaches, fixes, and secures against your body. You don’t want the first time you’re using a strap-on to be in the middle of sex when you and your partner are in the zone. You want to have some swagger and control over that thing, and that only comes with time and practice.
Or in the words of sex therapist Vanessa Marin, “It’s a whole extra appendage that you may have never had before. Give yourself some time to get used to it, and get a sense of how the strap-on works with your body.”
Strapless strap-ons will only work for vagina-owners, because they actually go inside the vagina, where they’re held by the pelvic floor muscles. These tend to be much harder to control than their strappy cousins, though they do come with the added perk of a phallus seemingly coming from nowhere.
If you’re wondering how to use a strapless strap-on for the first time, sexperts generally advise sticking with more basic sex positions so you can get the hang of the dual requirement of using your PC muscles to hang on the dildo while simultaneously thrusting. Sounds complicated but also hot, amirite?
If you’re new to being the thruster in the situation, don’t be surprised if you feel sore after a relatively light sex session. Your body hasn’t acclimated to the motions of being The Penetrator quite yet, but it will with time.
Pegging, or anal sex with a strap-on, can be fun for everyone! Whether you’re in a lesbian partnership, a gay relationship, or just exploring anal in a hetero situation, pegging can be both intimate and incredibly pleasurable.
Do remember that pegging, like all anal play, always requires lube, so make sure you’ve got a variety of lube that can fit with your strap-on and anal toys without degrading the quality of either the toy or the protective barrier you’re using. This means you can’t use any oil-based lubes if you’re using condoms, and no silicone or hybrid-silicone lubes if your Dangerous Dildo Dave is also made of silicone. Sexual health ftw!
7 best strap-on sex positions
1. Doggy Style
This tried and true sex position is great for both vaginal and anal penetration. It allows you to penetrate or peg with a little adjustment in angle, and makes it easy to apply more than enough lube to allow for safe anal sex.
This position doesn’t quite have the same intimacy zing as being able to stare lovingly into your partner’s eyes, but what it lacks in sensuality it more than makes up with a quality, picturesque view and raw animalistic joy. With Strap Doggy you can grab your partner’s hips as you thrust into them, pulling them back against you and your strap-on.
2. Missionary
While this position has kind of a vanilla rep, the truth is it can be super fun when it comes to using a strap-on. Missionary tends to get a bad rap from the whole “sex is simply about procreation” thing. Be assured, sex, and this position in particular aren’t only about procreation, and you can show all those people up by enjoying your partner on their back, and gazing into their eyes as you thrust up into them.
Note: this position can also be done with your partner’s legs up in the air, changing the feeling of vaginal penetration, and also opening up the opportunity to lift your partner up a rung by pegging them.
3. Spooning
If pegging is the goal, spooning lines angles up pretty darn well. For some cuddly comfy anal play, spooning is awesome. Part of the perks of anal sex is that it can be enjoyed in any partnership, regardless of the genders and genitals that everyone’s bringing to the party.
The spooning position offers up a little more of that comfort, care, and connection energy, letting you touch and caress your partner’s body with your free hand, kiss or breathe on their neck, or sit back and make them rock against your unyieldingly hard cock.
For vaginal penetration, depending on the shape of your and your partner’s bodies, it can be difficult to get a cock or cock-like object to align properly in the spooning position. If this one doesn’t work for your particular makeup, no worries — there are plenty of other options!
4. Lap Dance
This one is both fun and erotic, and kind of different if you’re used to sex while lying down. The person wearing the strap-on sits on a chair and the other one sits on them. It’s great if you want to make your partner have to squirm, strain, and rock back and forth on your Strap-on Shaft. This kinda different position is also great for being in situations where you want to let your partner tantalize you, or you want to be the dominant one in control and tell them how hard and how fast they need to ride.
True to the name of the position, your partner can also tease you with some erotic and sensual movements prior to turning away from you and lowering themselves on your Rambunctious Rod. For added support, they can use their hands on your knees and upper thighs to allow for easier straddling and riding. And if you’re feeling in an extra giving mood, you can also give them a little upward push with your hands so that they can hang out in your lap, bouncing away for longer.
One nice thing about this position is that if you need to, you can use your hand to stabilize your strap-on while getting into the initial groove of things. That initial insertion is always the most difficult part, but once your strap-on is good and embedded in your partner, you can sit back, relax, and enjoy feeling your partner bop up and down on you.
5. Cowboy / cowperson / cowgirl position
Another great option for Sit Back and Enjoy the Show strap-on action (at least for the giver) is the cowgirl. The giving partner gets the added pleasure of being able to watch the receiver rock and gyrate above them.
If you’re more of a butt- and back-centered individual, you can always have your partner turn right around and sit on your strap-on in reverse cowgirl / cowboy / cowperson style.
6. Doggy-style, standing
It turns out that the doggy style position can be performed in two ways: One, with the penetrator on their knees, at the same level as their partner (on a bed, for example). This is the one most people think of when they’re thinking about doggy.
But did you know you can also do it standing up? Yup, this works when the receiving partner is raised up some, such that the receiver's vagina/anus is in line with the standing partner’s strap-on. You can use furniture to make this happen, or a bunch of sofa cushions. Basically you want to get to a place where you’re both at a more or less equal, comfortable height.
Now, a thing to note here is that the person who’s standing up with the strap-on should have some kind of grip when it comes to what they’re standing on. Standing Doggy (StanDoggy, if you will) allows for more power and thrusting leverage, but only if your feet can actually hold onto the floor. You won’t get any sex leverage with slippery socks, or standing on a carpet with no grip. Humor in the bedroom is pretty great, but if you’re unable to actually provide thrust, maybe put on some shoes to counteract the floor’s non-grippiness.
7. Pronebone
Have you ever looked over at your partner and thought, “It would be great to be both laying on top of your beautiful butt and back, and having sex with you at the same time”? If this is you, pronebone is your sex position of choice! Not too exhausting, this position lets you get in some gravity-assisted thrusts while also getting the feeling of your partner’s juicy bottom providing some Cushion for the Pushin’.
Basically if you’re the one with the strap-on on, you lay on top of your partner and have them open up their legs just enough for you to penetrate. This position has the added feature of giving your partner that weighted, secured, Stay Put, It’s Sex Time Now feeling.
For deeper penetration, or to allow this position to work better with anal sex, put a pillow under the receiving partner’s hips so that the angle allows a little easier access. That slight shift might be all it takes to hit the right spot and lift your partner’s sexual pleasure to new orgasmic heights.
Bonus: On a table
Again with the standing position leverage, have your partner lay back on a table or adequately-sized bed. This can make hetero, non-binary, or lesbian strap-on sex amazing. This position is similar to missionary, except you don’t need to use your arms and hands to support your body. With those free hands, you can helpfully add in some penile or clitoral stimulation depending on your partner’s parts.
Whether you’re a lesbian couple, a hetero couple looking for some woman-as-penetrator role reversal, or you don’t really want to bring any labels into your sex life, strap-on based penetrative sex is available for you. None of these sexual positions are straight or lesbian sex positions specifically, and the gender of the penetrating partner really has no bearing on whether you’re enjoying the sex you’re having.
The truth is there’s also no perfect position; everything is up to the preferences of the participants. Mix and match your sexual needs to each other’s delight. Sex is more fun when everyone is in it and aroused, so taking time together with foreplay, oral sex, external stimulation, and sensuality is a good idea instead jumping directly to the strap-on penetration part.
Other hot sex tips: bring a blindfold into the mix. You’d be surprised at how much this heightens things, especially when paired with different sensual experiences like ice (some nipples love ice!) or feathers.
Now what are you waiting for? Get out there and strap up. It’s the best way to get down
