If you don’t have a penis yourself but still want to get it on in sex positions where you’re the penetrator, you’re in luck! Yep, we’re talkin’ strap ons today.
While mainstream culture tends to pitch strap on sex as the pegging of straight men by straight women (i.e. cisgendered hetero couples), strap ons are actually fun for everyone!
Whether you’re straight, trans, queer, or non-binary — and regardless of your sexual identity — strapping strap-on sex is here for all.
What’s a strap on?
At its simplest, a strap on is a dildo that is made to be fixed to the body of the wearer. Usually that means a dildo that’s attached to a pelvic harness by means of an O-ring. However, there are also strapless strap ons (to be worn by folks who have a vagina).
How to pick the right dildo and harness
If you’re ready to harness the power of strap on sex (see what we did there?), you’ve got to make sure to have the right harness and straps. And when we say strap or harness, we’re not talking about a shoulder strap for a messenger bag or camera or a nato strap for a fancy watch.
Not all strap on harnesses are made equal, and some are more adaptable than others. Sexperts say the adjustable strap helps because you can get things to fit more exactly.
It’s also good to know that the O-ring on the strap on, while very versatile, might not fit every sex toy you’d like to affix to it. BDSM toys and other adult toys made for strap ons tend to have a flared base wider than the width of the O-ring, so whatever you purchase, you might want to try to insert it into the O-ring just for size fit.
While picking strap on equipment and dildos can be a personal choice, it can also be a fun “couple bonding” activity. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to pick the size and shape of the penis-shaped-object that they’re going to be enjoying, but if you’re getting down and dirty with dildo sizes and O-ring action, you and your partner(s) can choose exactly the type of penetration you want.
When picking, you also want to take your anatomy into account. For example, if you’ve got a penis and are planning on wearing a strap on, it’s wise to pick one that won’t interfere with your existing flesh-based equipment. This can be avoided by picking one with a two-strap design, as opposed to a single-strap design.
Basically single-strap harnesses cover up the genitals, making them inaccessible under the harness, as well as potentially creating a crushing hazard with the harness straps for those who have testicles. In a single-strap design, the strap extends directly under the body (like a G-string) instead of separating out towards each side (like a jockstrap).
The material you choose for your strap on harness matters, too. Do you want it to be machine-washable? Then leather straps are out; a nylon strap on harness would be more appropriate.
Strap ons also range in price pretty drastically. You can get something simple and cheap (around $20) with nylon and polyester straps, or something north of $300 if what you want is a custom-made leather strap on.
Strap ons aren’t going to hit fancy-pants Rolex Submariner levels, but they can get expensive. Thus, much like luxury watches, you want to do your research on a few different kinds before you settle on the strap on and adult sex toys you’re going to use.
Why do people like strap ons?
There are many reasons to enjoy strap on sex. First, if haven’t got a penis but you’re really into the idea of providing penetrative sex to a partner, now you can! And if you and your partner normally do one kind of penetrative sex, it can be empowering to take control and penetrate them for a change.
It’s worth noting that if your penis doesn’t do all the things you want it to because of illness or erectile dysfunction (or you’d simply like it to be shaped differently), then a strap on is a great way to go.
Myths about strap ons
There are a few urban legends out there about strap ons that we’d like to dispel:
1. Strap on sex isn’t enjoyable for the giver
Strap on sex can be great for the giver! And not just because of the pleasure you can provide to your partner These days, strap ons can have vibrators and other stimulation-inducing gadgets inserted into them, generating some really good vibrations. ;)
2. Strap ons are just for pegging
Again, this is just a heteronormative lens. It doesn’t take into account the experience of other humans. Everyone can enjoy a strap on. Also, any man, woman, or other-genered person can enjoy a bit of anal play.
3. Men who enjoy being pegged are gay
This is basically the same issue as above, just through a homophobic lens. Sexual orientation doesn’t have direct bearing on the types of sex acts you enjoy. Prostate stimulation from a butt plug, strap on, or even digitally is a wonderful thing, and prostate-owners (many men) should feel comfortable partaking in it.
The fact is, pleasure and likes/dislikes, kinks and fetishes, are not indicative of your sexual orientation. Lots of people like lots of different things, and it doesn't have to mean something about your identity. Remember that you are the only one who gets to tell you who you are.
4. Strap on sex is about power
While there may be some power play involved, strap on sex can be a tool to deepen intimacy in a relationship (while also, perhaps, fulfilling some sexual fantasies?).
Sex isn’t always something openly discussed between couples, but it should be! Changing up the dynamics by involving a strap on can actually provide a valuable opportunity to talk through some things. Sometimes long-standing insecurities or fears that have been glossed over in the relationship arise, and holding them together with love can increase the quality of your sex life.
Strap on quick tips
A few things to know if you’re going to strap into the world of strap ons:
- Gonna play with multiple partners? Your silicone (strap on) toy can’t get someone pregnant, but it can pass on STIs. Always clean your toys thoroughly between partners for both your own and their sexual health. And if your toy is made out of a porous material, then you shouldn’t use that toy on more than one person. It’s harder to get porous toys thoroughly cleaned.
- Anything that goes in a butt shouldn’t then go into a vagina. Order of operations is always vagina stuff first, then butt stuff (if you’re combining the two during a sexual encounter).
- When it comes to anything anal sex related, remember to lube up! If you’re sticking a stainless steel toy, silicone dildo, or any other type of toy into a bum, lube is always a requirement for anal penetration.
Now what are you waiting for? Strap in for the ride of a lifetime.
