Interested in getting your booty’s sensitive nerve endings to deliver you that euphoric orgasm high you’ve been craving? Great! While Western culture has historically considered anal sex to be raunchy, dirty, or somehow gross (booooo!), anal sex and anal pleasure are quite normal, wonderful sex acts that are available to any-gendered people. Everybody's got a booty, and if you're patient, diligent, and interested, your butt can take you to higher and higher levels of sexual pleasure.
Anal orgasms are pretty much what they sound like — orgasms that originate from anal stimulation and butt play. Any sort of anal play such as licking, touching, kissing and oral sex, or anal penetration will do. If it feels good and you’re into it, go for it :) Read on as we dive into the basics on anal sex for beginners.
Techniques for achieving an anal orgasm
When it comes to how to prepare for anal sex, the first and most important step is to get the whole anal area cleaned, relaxed, aroused, and lubed up. This can take some time, and shouldn't be rushed. If you’re flying solo, try something soothing like taking a bath or a hot shower, then watching something that turns you on.
Whether you're creating your own perfect picture of booty play for yourself, or your partner is the one preparing you, relaxation is super important. When your body is relaxed, your anal sphincter can also relax and loosen up to accept some probing. Being sexually aroused is also super important, and contributes to the relaxation process.
Choosing the right lube is an important precursor as well. Unlike vaginas, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate. There are plenty of thicker, plushier water based, silicone based and hybrid lube options meant specifically for anal play, but any good water based and many silicone based lubes will do the trick here, too. Just keep in mind that silicone sex toys don’t play nice with silicone lubes, so if you’re planning a romp with your fave silicone anal plug, opt for a water based lube.
A word on oil based lubes - these lubes are meant for external use only (massage and masturbation, for instance), and shouldn’t be used for any penetrative sex or sex toy play. Oil based lubes are also not compatible with latex condoms.
As a general rule, a water based lube will always be your best bet. Just keep in mind that water-based lubes may dry out more quickly, so keep the bottle handy for re-application. At the end of the day the right lube is a personal choice, so investigate them all.
Side note: If you or your booty buddy is new to anal sex, steer clear of numbing lubricants. Your body's pain and discomfort response is an important part of the process, and the cues your body provides should always be obeyed. If it hurts, stop!
Is an anal orgasm the same thing as a prostate orgasm?
You might be wondering, why do guys like anal sex? For people who were born with penises, an anal orgasm can be equivalent to a prostate orgasm. In fact, some prostate owners report being able to have multiple orgasms from prostate stimulation.
The prostate, if you have one, is located 2-3 inches up the anal canal. It’s able to be stimulated with a gloved or well trimmed finger (seriously — keep sharp edges out of the rectum) by inserting your finger through the anal opening.
The prostate itself is a harder, walnut-shaped tissue located just under the bladder, and a consistent prostate massage can be extremely pleasurable, leading to orgasm and release of prostate fluids. Interestingly, prostate massage and prostate milking aren’t solely sex acts, but are also used by medical health professionals to treat prostatitis.
What does an anal orgasm feel like?
Like our bodies, orgasms are all a little different for everyone, and the road to get there also varies. Orgasm often feels like the building up of pressure, or like a euphoric wall of water coming up against a dam and eventually breaking and spilling through. For some types of orgasm this pressure build is slow and persistent, while for other types of orgasm this pressure-build is quick and surprising.
In one woman’s words of her anal orgasm experience, “There was no other kind of other stimulation going on at the time, and at first his strokes were quite slow and steady because I’m not generally a huge fan of anal sex, so had limited expectations. Suddenly, he started going deeper and deeper and then I realized I was about to cum.”
Will it hurt at all?
Anal intercourse can be painful if it’s done in a rushed fashion, and can also be uncomfortable initially regardless of the number of times you've done it. Some bottoms (people who enjoy receptive anal sex) say that receptive anal sex feels like being stretched and filled beyond their limits, and letting their body feel that space is sometimes uncomfortable initially.
In an ideal world, every top (penetrating partner) would be skilled at creating a comfortable, pleasurable, exciting experience for their bottom. Unfortunately that's not true. It's really important to make sure to pick the right partner that can help make this experience great for the both of you. Not everybody is going to enjoy anal sex, and it's easy to have a bad experience with an inattentive or self-centered partner.
What causes an anal orgasm?
The cause of anal orgasms is different in cisgendered men and women. In prostate owners, anal orgasm is achieved through a rhythmic building of pressure against the prostate. In vulva owners, an anal orgasm is achieved through stimulating different parts of the clitoral network through the anus.
Layered on top of this is each person's brain contributing to how aroused and in it they are. For example, in another woman’s words, “During the build up, there’s this ticklish, tingling sensation deep inside the G-spot area. Even at this point I feel closer and more intimate with my partner — it’s a deeply rewarding experience. I love the taboo element of anal sex the most, that makes it all the more enjoyable.”
Anal orgasms in vulva owners
There’s no one way for vulva owners to have an anal orgasm. Cisgendered women have more avenues to achieve orgasm from anal stimulation, from extended exterior play of the sphincter and surrounding anal area, to slow, rhythmic penetration of the anal canal.
Anal sex feels different than vaginal sex, and of course the anus itself isn’t self-lubricating. Getting everything just right is a bit more of a task, but once everything is well lubed and engorged, the sensations can be phenomenal.
Double penetration is also an option, and you can use different kinds of sex toys to create even more fullness and contact with erogenous zones. For example, with the right combination of toys and body parts (or just toys), simultaneous A-spot and G-spot stimulation is possible, potentially leading to full-body intense orgasms.
Some women experience anal orgasm as a whole-body orgasm, while others can’t orgasm from anal stimulation alone (many require simultaneous clitoral stimulation). But the experience of being anally penetrated often contributes to their clitoral orgasm, creating blended orgasms through anal and clitoral stimulation.
Anal orgasms in penis owners
The prostate (sometimes called the male G-spot) is located two to three inches inside the anus on the upper wall. It can be accessed digitally with fingers, with anal sex toys such as butt plugs, anal beads, with penises and dildos, or toys designed specifically as a prostate massager.
If flying solo, reaching your own prostate can be difficult, so we suggest getting some sort of toy that can do the stimulating for you. If you’re going to take on anal masturbation alone, you can try laying on your side or standing up with one foot on the bed. It’ll depend, too, on what kind of toy you have (for example, a wand can be super helpful) — you’ll have to experiment to find the most ergonomic access to your own booty.
It can be easier to have your partner do the anal penetration, either by digitally stimulating the prostate gland with anal fingering and relaxing massage, or using a cock, dildo or strap-on. Prostate owners can also wear a butt plug for prostate stimulation when penetrating their partner, to enjoy the slow orgasmic building sensations as well.
Anal sex has the potential to be painful if done poorly or improperly, and it also has the potential to be risky in terms of sexually-transmitted diseases and sexually-transmitted infections. According to the CDC, receptive anal sex has the highest HIV transmission rate. Because of this, it's important to know the sexual history and sexual health practices of your partner so that you are able to enthusiastically consent to the risks that safer anal sex comes with.
Keep in mind that the anus can tear far more easily that the vulva/vagina and tears (aka anal fissures) provide a more direct avenue for fluid transfer, which is one of the main ways of transmitting sexually-transmitted diseases.
Practice safer sex by having a conversation with your partner and choosing to wear protected barriers together, or having clear and open communication about what each of your own personal risks are.
Anything else I should know?
We can’t stress enough that anal sex is a sacred and vulnerable act. If you and your partner aren’t able to focus on one another’s sexual health and safety, you’re likely to end up like the majority of men and women who’ve tried anal sex once or twice, had it go poorly, and then written it off forever.
Anal sex is vulnerable, and when participating in butt play, there MUST be trust between partners. Make sure to pick someone who’s able to focus on your anal pleasure and vice versa. Then enjoy all the bounty the booty has to offer!