Why Do Guys Like Anal Sex?

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Why Do Guys Like Anal Sex?

 

To some folks, it might seem a bit nonsensical that men could be interested in butt stuff when there's a perfectly good vagina literally right next door. But as we all know, sexual attraction and sexual pleasure vary hugely from person to person. We aren’t all into the same things, sexually speaking, and that’s good! How boring would sex be, otherwise? For many, erotic layers of vulnerability, power, and dominance come into play when the booty joins the party.

Anal intercourse offers different sensations than vaginal intercourse, and requires additional trust and patience between sex partners. It also requires a liberal amount of lube (use lots o’ lube, people!). Done properly in a mutual pleasure-focused way, anal sex can be extremely stimulating for both parties, and can bring participants closer together. 


Anal sex as the “top”

You may have heard the terms “top” and “bottom” before in the context of BDSM or anal. Basically the top is the person penetrating, while the bottom is the person being penetrated.

What makes topping during anal sex so much fun? Whether you’re a straight man, a gay man, or an other gendered penis-haver, there’s something alluring about having your member enthusiastically received in any orifice. Knowing that anal sex takes patience, skill, and connectedness makes the experience all the more exciting.

As Stephen from Men’s Health put it, “I found the best thing about sticking my dick into someone’s ass is dominance. Taking control and going as hard or soft as you want is a huge aspect to me. However, this always means taking your partner into great consideration. For example, starting slow and easy, adding in lots of foreplay, maybe dirty talk to make them feel desirable and more 'ready' to take it.”

Knowing your partner is doing something that’s often considered primal, submissive, and a little degrading, and on top of that enjoying it because they’re doing it with you can be the exact right mental stimulation for our largest sex organ: the brain.


Anal sex as the “bottom”

Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, receptive anal sex as the bottom should be pleasurable — and it can be, as long as it’s done right. What does “done right” mean? Basically, ample prep, people! That sphincter has to be relaxed if it’s going to let anything inside. Anal stimulation can open up a whole new world of sensitive nerve endings that are ripe for the rubbins, potentially exposing a previously unknown erogenous zone.

For a woman/vulva-owner, anal play also offers another way to stimulate the G-spot and A-spot, and for prostate owners, it offers the most direct route to stimulate the prostate gland.

From the perspective of the bottom, anal sex can feel vulnerable, raunchy, connected, and ecstatic. Or in the words of bottom Kevin, “Good anal sex is like eating a delicious meal that is too hot. Those first moments are filled with a slightly uncomfortable sensation mixed with bits of euphoria. During this time, you are bordering between regret, eagerness, anxiety, and pleasure. After a deep breath out and an inhale of determination, time passes and the meal cools. You then enter a state of delicious consumption, as your booty devours their penis.”

When it comes to is anal sex safe, bear in mind that anal sex comes with additional sexual risks. Anal sex is riskier than vaginal sex, specifically when it comes to a sexually-transmitted infection. For example, according to the CDC, someone having receptive anal sex (the bottom) is at a higher risk of contracting HIV than any other sex act. Because of this, it’s critical to be aware of your own as well as your partner’s history of sexual activity, current sexual health and sexual behavior. Remember that if you’re comfortable and open to having unprotected anal sex as a bottom, you’re at higher risk (than your partner) because the skin of the anus can tear easily. So if you’re going to go anal all the way, know the risks and communicate — your health and safety is paramount.


Anal sex in heterosexual couples

It’s important to note that anal sex isn’t tied to any sexual orientation. Not all gay men engage in anal sex, and many straight men/penis-havers get lots and lots of pleasure from being anally penetrated in whatever way works for their relationship. Anal sex isn’t ‘gay sex’ — it’s a completely acceptable, normal, and enjoyable type of sex (and here’s a guide on how to have an anal orgasm).

When it comes to straight folks and anal, it’s hard to pin down just how much anal sex is being had within heterosexual couples, or even what type of anal sex is going on (penetrative, non-penatrative, and who is doing the penetrating).

For example, a 2013 study conducted by the CDC found that roughly 35% women and 42% men aged 18-44 had reported engaging in anal sex (whatever their definition was). Again, it’s not clear who was doing the penetrating or whether the person had engaged in both roles (top and bottom).

Anal sex can be a vehicle to have increased closeness and intimacy, since it needs to be a slower activity with a lot more prep and warm-up. And anal sex can also be fun, naughty, and deeply intimate.

As far as what it feels like, one woman said the build-up to her anal orgasm was similar to past orgasms, but the actual physiological experience was different: “[The build-up was] exactly the same as when you’re normally about to cum from clitoral stimulation or vaginal sex … [but] I normally gush everywhere when I orgasm. And nothing came out of me that time, but the orgasm feeling was still the same — I can usually feel it somewhere in my stomach, like something is rushing or pouring out.”


The prostate

The prostate is ​​a gland about the size of a walnut, located between the penis and bladder. Also known as the P-spot, prostate owners can derive immense sexual pleasure from prostate stimulation. This can include stimulation from butt plugs, fingering, or indirect stimulation through the perineum. In order to lean into this type of pleasure, it’s important to be both aroused and relaxed, so lots of pampering and foreplay is recommended (plus who doesn’t want to be pampered for a bit?).

It’s really worth it, too — prostate stimulation can feel so incredible that some sexperts even call it the male G-spot. That's fairly accurate given the fact that the prostate gland has almost as many nerve endings as the climactic clitoris. As sex educator and professor Susan Milstein, PhD, puts it, “The 'male G-Spot' is the prostate and it's about two inches in the rectum toward the belly … It really can open up a whole new avenue of pleasure for men and their sex life if they are willing to try it.”

And what does it actually feel like? As one man put it, “​​My first prostate-induced orgasm felt like an out of body explosion. My head was dizzy for like a minute afterward, and I had this absolutely incredible rush of nothing but pleasure. Needless to say, I was hooked and wanted to keep going.”

Another said, “It's like the difference between seeing a movie in standard definition and then discovering IMAX. You can enjoy the movie in both formats, but one is noticeably better. A penile orgasm is quick; the waves of pleasure that come with it are standard and expected. You may have a low refractory period and can get back into play immediately after your first orgasm and may come again. With prostate orgasms, you don't have a refractory period. You can experience the immense pleasure of your anal orgasm and then extend it, continuing stimulation so that you experience multiple orgasms.”


Taboo / novelty

Especially in modern western culture, anal sex has been considered a taboo subject. However, times they are a-changin’, and anal sex as a regular part of heterosexual intercourse has been steadily increasing over the years.

Regardless, however, for many people anal sex still holds an aspect of, ‘We’re not supposed to be doing this!’, or ‘This is wrong,’ or somehow being counterculture, which can be attractive or exciting in its own right. Anal sex can great way to lean into your naughty or hedonistic side.


Double penetration (DP)

Whether it's with dildos, penises, or other sex toys (like anal toys such as anal beads), a combination of both anal sex and vaginal sex is a clear winner when it comes to orgasmic overstimulation. Double penetration can really push you over the edge when it comes to getting that “full” feeling.

You also don’t necessarily need a partner to get in some good DP. Some sex toys are designed for just this purpose, such as rabbits with three separate vibrating motors. Anal penetration can also stimulate the G-spot and the A-spot, so if you’ve got toys or plugs in either hole, that fullness can contribute to multi-spot stimulation as well (a full body anal orgasm? Yes, please).

If you’re just getting started with anal sex and want to try double penetration without something gigantic, you can always bring a butt plug into the mix. 


Non-penetrative anal sex

If anal penetration itself feels uncomfortable, know that you can still derive plenty of joy through stimulation of the anal sphincter itself, and surrounding anal area. The fact is, our butts often don't get as much love as the rest of our body, so skilled teasing, touching, caressing, and licking can be a sensational surprise.

Oral sex of the anus (technically called analingus) can be especially pleasurable, too. Keep in mind that while butts can be mostly clean, there's still the chance of poop or fecal matter being down there. So make sure to clean up accordingly before doing significant butt play.

Additionally, the prostate can be partially stimulated through the perineum (the taint, or patch of skin between the penis and anus on penis-havers), so if you’re going down on a prostate owner, this can be an exciting button! If you’re new to anal play and looking to learn more, check out our anal sex guide for beginners


Extra tidbits

  • A quick note on how to prepare for anal sex: Be sure to wear protective barriers such as latex condoms and/or be in communication with your partner about their sexual behavior. As a reminder, condoms significantly reduce your chance of contracting a sexually transmitted infection in general, and that’s also true of anal. 

  • Know that the lube you use during anal play can affect your protective barriers and toys, so make sure to find one that plays nice. As a general rule, water-based lubes are safe for all toys and sexual safety barriers, but might dry out sooner, which means you’ll have to reapply somewhat frequently. Silicone based lubes generally stick around longer, but have the negative side of being potentially bad for silicone sex toys and some condoms.

  • Your butt isn’t actually that dirty. A lot of people are worried about this, but the fact is that fecal matter normally resides higher up the anal canal than penetrative anal sex commonly gets to. So if you’re interested in prepping for anal like a porn star and you try out anal douching, know that you don’t need to wash out more than the first 6-8 inches of the rectum. Go farther up than that and you’re going to potentially get into where fecal matter is actually stored, which means you can mistakenly think your bum is dirty when it was fine all along.

  • If you’re a straight guy who loves anal penetration and want it to be a regular part of your sex life (as the top), it’s important to know what experience you’re asking your partner to have. Receptive anal sex can be very emotionally vulnerable, and it's easy to go from, “That was decent” to, “I'm not having fun anymore, this hurts, I don't want to do this” very quickly. Playing with your own bottom will inform you about what your own personal limits are, and will also help you empathize with your partner’s experience. This will help you make it as fun and pleasurable for them as possible. The truth is terrible anal sex is just that: terrible. 

  • Finally, if you want a fantastic and medically-appropriate perspective of what's going on with booty action, check out Bespoke Surgical. Their look at health as well as the sexual medicine of the booty region is both clear and thorough.

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