Outercourse isn’t all about dry humping! Don’t get us wrong, dry humping can be super sexy in its own right. But non-penetrative sex isn’t just for horny teens. People of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and walks of life can and do enjoy orgasms without intercourse. There are even some situations where non-penetrative sex may be absoutely ideal for you and your partner. Keep reading to find out everything you need to know about outercourse and six steamy non-penetrative sex positions to try.
Outercourse: What is it, and why is it so great?
You may not have ever heard the term “outercourse.” You may have been doing it all along, unaware that there is a term to describe what you’ve been up to. Well, we’re here to tell you about the technical side of things as well as dispel some myths relating to non-penetrative sex.
What is Outercourse?
If you’ve ever had sex (whether you had an orgasm or not) without penetration, then you’ve had outercourse. Loosely defined, it’s sex without actual or ‘traditional’ intercourse. When you get into the specifics, some opinions differ on what is actually considered outercourse.
For some people, outercourse includes anything that falls under the umbrella of sexual activity, except penis-in-vagina sex. Other folks believe outercourse involves no penetration whatsoever, as in, no fingering, penetrative toys, or anal sex.
The way you and your partner choose to define outercourse is up to you. You might have specific reasons for enjoying some good non-penetrative sex activities now and again. Honestly, you may even be confused about how a certain act can be defined. That’s okay too! Hearing different opinions can open your mind to seeing things differently.
Are Outercourse and Abstinence the Same Thing?
If you were to ask two different people whether abstinence and outercourse are the same thing, you might get two different answers. In short, it’s personal.
Someone who chooses not to have intercourse might be waiting until they feel personally ready. Or they may be waiting until they reach a certain commitment level in their relationship. They may have reservations about some sexual acts and no concerns over others. Others may practice abstinence regularly to prevent pregnancy.
When in doubt regarding how your partner is feeling or what their beliefs are, you should always talk with them. For that matter, you should always get consent before engaging in any sexual activity.
Forms of Outercourse
While it’s true that there are some differing opinions on what ‘counts’ as outercourse, there are some very sexy non-pentrative sex acts that you and your partner can try. Again, please be sure to check in with them first.
- Dry humping – Grinding back and forth on each other while clothed or not clothed can be enjoyed by any couple.
- Kissing – Kissing can strengthen your bond. You’re not limited to just to the mouth. Try kissing in other places too.
- Manual stimulation – Use your hands to caress, rub and massage their body. To some people, fingering might be considered outercourse, but if not, just focus on sensitive outer areas, like their clitoris, nipples, penis, upper thighs, hips, butt...you get the idea!
- Massage – Nothing beats a sensual massage. Find out how to give the perfect erotic massage here!
- Mutual masturbation – Masturbating in front of each other can be a super-sexy way to get off. The visual stimulation can heighten your own enjoyment while you discover what your partner likes most.
- Oral sex – While there are many ways to perform oral sex without any penetration, check with your partner to make sure they consider this outercourse.
- Sex toy play – You can enjoy non-penetrative sex with the help of sex toys. Your partner can arouse your genitals with a clitoral stimulator, male masturbator, or vibrator of your choice without any insertions needed.
Outercourse for Pregnancy Prevention
Though some people choose outercourse as a form of natural birth control, you may have to take appropriate measures to further decrease your chance of pregnancy. Preventing fluids from reaching the vagina and washing your hands before touching your or your partner’s vulva are best practices. Another thing to note about outercourse is that it will not prevent you from contracting STIs. You must wear condoms and practice proper hygiene to effectively protect yourself and your partner.
6 Outercourse Positions for Out of this World Sex
Now that you’ve learned a lot about what outercourse is and isn’t, let’s get to the fun stuff: positions that’ll help you enjoy great outercourse with your partner! Some of the following positions might require more practice than others, and some might be awkward at first. Just keep trying until you get it right or move onto something else. Here are six sexy positions to try.
This easy-level sex position is a favorite of many. In fact, we recommend it for beginners to outercourse. It allows for face-to-face contact and access to almost all areas of the body. One partner lies on their back with legs spread apart. The other partner supports themselves over the bottom partner while facing down towards them. Their legs rest between their partner’s and can rest their weight on their knees or straighten their legs out behind themselves.
You’ll be able to kiss, fondle, and grind the night away. The bottom partner can change the tilting of their pelvis to engage less or more genital contact. They can also change the positions and angles of their legs to increase or decrease pressure. Play around with the way you rub your bodies together.
While we often think of missionary and cowgirl for heterosexual relationships, anyone can do these positions. Just as in a missionary position, cowgirl position features one partner on top and the other on the bottom while facing each other. In missionary, the top partner's legs rest on the inside of the bottom partner’s legs. With cowgirl, their legs straddle over the bottom partner’s pelvic region. You can get a nice and steady grind that mimics the pace and intensity you experience with intercourse.
For even more fun, you can try reverse cowgirl, where the top partner turns around the opposite way to face their partner’s feet. This gives the bottom partner a nice view of their lover’s bottom for anal play. In either position, hands are free to stimulate yourselves and each other wherever you wish.
Both partners lie down on their sides facing the same direction (one partner will be facing the other’s back). Your hands are free to do all the touching and teasing you want, while one person gets to grind on the other’s booty. The grinding partner also can kiss their lover’s neck. You can use sex toys in this position, and clothing is optional.
At first, you might think that the partner in front isn’t getting their fair share. They can request an erotic massage or any stimulation they desire. But tilting the pelvis back can allow for more contact to the genitals. You can also experiment with leg positions or switch over to the spork position. This involves the person who would be in front to lie on their back instead of their side. They can slide their inside leg between their partners to get a good grind against their thigh.
4. Pretzel (or the Pretzel Dip)
Don’t let the name fool you! This position might be a little out of the ordinary, but it’s much easier than it sounds. The bottom partner lies down on their side with the top leg raised. They can prop up their head with a pillow or their hand while resting on their elbow. The top partner will straddle the top of their partner’s bottom leg. The bottom partner then raises the top leg slightly to curve around their partner. Hands are mostly free to roam and pleasure as you both see fit, but the top partner may need to use their hands for balance and support.
This position gives you a better angle for visual stimulation compared to spooning. You’ll be able to look your lover right in the eye (if that’s your thing). You can even reach each other for kisses. And you’ll have more room for sex toys than what a missionary position often allows for.
If you’d rather not take things lying down, you can try a position that allows for sitting up. In the chairman, one partner sits at the edge of the bed, chair, or other sturdy surface. If using a chair, an armless one is best to give you more comfort and range of motion. Facing away, the other partner sits atop their lap, placing their feet on the inside of the sitting partners or straddling over their partners legs. A variation of this position brings the straddling partner’s legs up to their chest to rest their feet on the edge of the chair or bed.
Depending on how close your bodies are, the partner who is sitting can kiss their lover’s neck, caress their nipples or genitals, gently squeeze their hips, or even provide a soothing sensual massage. This position also allows for plenty of sex toy play.
6. Back Against the Wall
This one really pumps up the power dynamics, as the person against the wall will be more of the receiver while the other serves as the giver. Having sex with one person’s back against the wall can be challenging to get just right. When one partner is much taller than the other, it can take practice to get your penetration down to a science. If you want to take the pressure out of this performance, try giving it a dry run with some outercourse. One partner stands with their back against a wall while the other partner pleasures them. For some grinding action, the partner with their back against the wall can be hoisted up while wrapping their legs around their partner.
Since you’re facing each other, you’re free to get a good make-out session in while you’re getting your grind on. Or you can try out some different methods of stimulation in several different areas to understand what each other loves best.
Try Non-Penetrative Sex with Products from PinkCherry that Make Outercourse Out of this World!
We’ve got all the sex toys and extra products to make non-penetrative sex just as good (and maybe even better) than sexual intercourse. Here at PinkCherry.ca you’ll find clitoral stimulators, male masturbators, and vibrators that are perfect for outercourse use. And don’t forget our helpful tips and positions when you get to winding and grinding.