You’ll hear (or read) a lot of facts in the coming article, but here’s a key fact to ponder: during sex with a partner, about five percent of men, AMAB people and penis owners in general report having a hard time reaching orgasm about five percent of the time. On the flip side, up to fifty percent of women, AFAB people and vagina owners can’t quite get there during sex with a partner. That’s a big difference, yes, and orgasm inequality is something we’ll talk about in another article. For now though, we’re focusing on the fact that, at some point, a majority of people (at least 55%), have trouble climaxing, reaching orgasm, getting off etc. when a partner is involved. The solution? Having an orgasm all by yourself!
Fact: Not Everyone Can Reach Orgasm During Sex
As we’ve already mentioned, if you have or have ever had trouble getting to the Big O during sex, you’re not alone. Not being able to have an orgasm with your partner during sex can happen for lots of reasons. Lack of foreplay, not being in the right frame of mind, distractions, anxiety, health issues, past trauma, or inexperience can all factor in.
The good news is that you absolutely do not need a partner to have an orgasm. In fact, many people find that it’s much easier to reach orgasm solo. There are all kinds of ways you may choose to seek out your very own orgasm, and it all boils down to what you’re comfortable with, and what type of stimulation feels good for you and your body. Need some inspiration? No worries! We’ve got some tips below.
You’ve probably heard the term ‘touching yourself’, right? That’s the easiest way to describe manual masturbation, which is usually known simply as masturbation. Here’s the bottom line: You don’t need anything but your very own hands to stimulate yourself.
No one knows your body like you do, and there’s no better way to get acquainted with your individual likes, dislikes and preferences than spending a little (or a lot of) alone time with yourself. Get comfortable, take your time. Use your hands, fingers, knuckles, palm, wrist - whatever feels good.
You don’t even need to focus on your genitals. For instance, some people can reach orgasm by nipple stimulation. There’s no time like the present to find out if you’re one of them!
You won’t need to look far to find yourself some sexy assistance in the orgasm seeking department! The sex toy industry is absolutely booming, and these days, you can find vibrators, dildos, anal toys, nipple stimulators and much, much more in all shapes, sizes, colours, and styles. Although many sex toys are great for partners to enjoy together, most, if not all, are perfect for solo sex, too.
Vibrators: Vibrators are one of the best known sex toy for good reason! The variety of vibrator design is incredible - you can find one that stimulates your clitoris, the head of your penis, your nipples, your prostate - and everything in between. Some are meant for external pleasures only (like bullet vibes), while others can be inserted into the vagina or anus for internal satisfaction. Some vibes do both (like rabbit vibrators).
Male Masturbators: When you need to up your five knuckle shuffle game, strokers, pocket pussies, or even sex dolls might be exactly what you need. These sex toys are made in a wide range of textures and sizes to give your hand a helping hand. Most are designed to be penetrated or stroked with, and come in all sorts of textures and shapes, from realistic to futuristic.
Anal Sex Toys: Don’t ignore your butt! Lots of people of all genders and orientations adore anal stimulation. Anal stimulation can be added in to your masturbation scene, or it can be the main event. You can treat this erogenous zone to orgasmic pleasure using of anal beads, butt plugs, and more. Try out an anal starter toy if you’re new to butt play. You can always work your way up if you love it.
Sexy Reading Materials
You know the feeling – you’re reading a good book for some time and look up, dazed at your surroundings, because it felt like you were somewhere else. Reading can take you to alternate realities in your mind - including some very erotic ones.
Reading something sexy before you get intimate with yourself can get you all hot and bothered, or you could find an erotic audiobook, if you’d like your hands free for some orgasmic attention.
What to read?
- Sexual text – Even reading the descriptions of sexual acts or products can be enough to arouse you.
- Romance novels – These longer books give you the opportunity to take in the settings, events, and characters. You get an in-depth story to enjoy with a few sex scenes sprinkled throughout.
- Erotic shorts – For those who know what they want and want it right now, erotic shorts are quick stories under 10 thousand words. You can read them in a quick sitting that leads to an exciting finish.
Adult Films (Porn)
Looking for something a little more visual? Find a sexy film to drool over! Pornographic film dates back to the early 1900s. Pre-film, you’d have to find a special (usually underground) theatre to watch people undressing and doing sexy things. Fast forward over a hundred years, and the adult film industry has absolutely exploded.
These days, it’s easier than ever to find all types of pornography, including ethical porn. Sometimes known as fair trade or feminist porn, these films are made consensually, with all performers respected, and fairly paid. On set, everyone feels comfortable with what's happening at all times. We love this!
How to Achieve a Solo Orgasm: Extra Tips
Before you go off on your solo sexy adventures, here are a few more suggestions that’ll help you make the most of alone time.
- Lube – No matter what you’re doing to get off, lube is your friend. A good quality lubricant will get rid of any uncomfortable friction, which helps your hands, fingers or sex toys feel even better. Need some lube advice? Head on over to Everything You Need to Know About Sex Lubes.
- Hygiene – Make sure anything that comes into contact with your genitals is clean. This means washing hands before and after manual masturbation and thoroughly cleaning sex toys before and after use with warm soap and water or a sex toy cleaner.
- Relaxation – You might be lucky enough to reach orgasm no matter what else is going on in life. Some people, however, find it hard to concentrate during masturbation. To help you relax, set your space up to be inviting and remove distractions. Take a few breaths and try your best to clear your mind.
- Privacy – Your home is one of the best places for self pleasure because you can take steps to ensure you have total privacy. If you’re masturbating somewhere else, you’ll obviously need to do your best to make sure you’re not doing anything that could land you in trouble.